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The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

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  • The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

    From a normally staid blog by a scientist comes a detailed essay about the tiers of candy:

    http://scienceblogs.com/worldsfair/2...ierarchy_h.php


    "Although there were some intra-family disputes about what belongs where, we did derive a basic candy hierachy, and I do think it is basically sound. This taxonomy is based on years of research and debate, on thorough testing and re-testing, on statistical comparison and quality measurement, on focus group testing, and on a series of FTIR scans that reveal various hydrocarbon peaks and whatnot.
    In other words, this is sound science.

    Here's what we've found, with uncertainties acknowledged:

    TOP TIER
    (not suprisingly, exclusively chocolate-based)
    Milly Way --- Snickers --- Peanut M&M's --- Regular M&Ms --- Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Junior Mints --- regular old Hershey Bars* --- Twix

    SECOND TIER
    (also exclusively chocolate, after fending off a few intruders)
    Kit-Kat* --- Nestle Crunch --- Almond Joy --- Mounds --- Tootsie Rolls* --- Dark Chocolate Hershey Bars --- Fair Trade Chocolate

    THIRD TIER
    (also referred to as the chewy range or, in some circles, the Upper Chewy or Upper Devonian)
    Milk Duds --- Starburst --- Jolly Ranchers (if a good flavor) --- 100 Grand Bar

    BOTTOM TIER
    (the Lower Chewy and Gummy-Based, also the Middle Crunchy Tart Layer)
    Dots --- Lollipops --- Nerds --- Whoppers --- Swedish Fish -- Gummy Bears straight up --- Licorice -- Anything from Brach's --- Hard Candy --- Bubble Gum --- LemonHeads --- LaffyTaffy --- Including the Chiclets (but not the erasers) --- Jolly Ranchers (if a bad flavor) --- Black Jacks --- Bottle Caps --- Smarties

    Tier so low it does not register on our equipment
    Healthy Fruit --- Pencils --- Lapel Pins --- Extra Strength Tylenol


    *These indicate the intra-family disputes. For example, I would keep Kit-Kat where it is, while other unnamend members of the family demand that it be given Top Tier Classification. That same other unnamed member of the family would not put Tootsie Rolls as a top-tier get, though I would've. Shockingly, there was no unanimous decision on the placement of Candy Corn, which as of 2006 remains to be classified."
    Last edited by RobotMirror; 11-02-2006, 12:39 PM.

  • #2
    Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

    Tootsie rolls, Dum dums (we didn't get a single one this year :clap: ) and anything "off" brand are usually the things we have left over when every single other thing has been eaten in the candy bowl.

    In our house, KitKat's are top tier and Jr. Mints are second, if that.

    Sweet Tarts rank pretty high, because they're trade-able. The kids know will do anything for some Sweet Tarts.

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    • #3
      Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

      hmmm, I handed out goldfish (crackers, not live) on Halloween, I wonder where that would fit?

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      • #4
        Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

        Almond Joy Bars and Mounds Bars belong on the top tier because sometimes I feel like a nut and sometimes I don't but I always feel like having one or the other after Halloween!

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        • #5
          Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

          We got Crunch, Butterfinger, & Baby Ruth in the top tier here.

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          • #6
            Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

            I am disappointed in the inability to classify candy corn. It does rank to tier here. If that helps.
            Originally posted by lazyboy97O
            How is a state religion bad, but state medicine good?
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            Anyone who makes the decision to depend upon the government to take care of their basic needs has essentially doomed himself to a life of bitter disappointment.

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            • #7
              Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

              No Paydays?
              -Jack :geek:
              Doc Brown had 2 Deloreans!

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              • #8
                Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

                Top Tier - Butterfinger Crisp, Mr. Goodbar, Cherry-O-Lay
                To Boldly Go Where No MiceChatter Has Gone Before!

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                • #9
                  Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

                  Meh, We handed out a little of the Top Tier- Reeses PBC, And a little of the Second tier with some Nestle Crunch bars.
                  1st Amendment-Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

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                  • #10
                    Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

                    I haven't T-ot-Ted in a few years due to work on Halloween night, but I always felt the Bottle Cap was a top tier candy, possibly thats due to the rarity of it in my area. Also Starburst were alsways low level because we got a million of them and they were always orange and lemon, my least favorite flavors
                    Is this haunted signature
                    actually
                    stretching?


                    Or is it your imagination, hmm?
                    Rockin' Lady Adelade of Random
                    also known as...
                    Dominatrix of Randomness

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                    • #11
                      Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

                      What about organic walnut clusters and "my other car is a bicycle" bumper stickers?
                      Ah, how strange! The molecules are so active now!

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                      • #12
                        Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

                        Originally posted by BoygunaSurf View Post
                        What about organic walnut clusters and "my other car is a bicycle" bumper stickers?
                        I think the toothbrush out ranks them
                        Is this haunted signature
                        actually
                        stretching?


                        Or is it your imagination, hmm?
                        Rockin' Lady Adelade of Random
                        also known as...
                        Dominatrix of Randomness

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                        • #13
                          Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

                          Interesting reading. Not sure if I agree with the "tiers" though. I heard this on the news (either Halloween or the day after) that there was a dentist somewhere in the Mid-West who was offering a free teeth cleaning plus his version of a "goody bag" of "good" candy if kids exchanged all their candy they received from Trick Or Treating. Something tells me that that dentist didn't receive too many phone calls about setting up appointments for his little deal. :lol:
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                          • #14
                            Re: The Heirarchy of Halloween Candy

                            In my family:

                            Highest: Reese's Cups
                            Kit-Kat
                            Dark Hershey
                            Krackle
                            Press today is so concerned with cool vs. not cool that they're starting to forget good vs. bad. I'm not sure I'll ever be "cool", but I will always tirelessly strive to be "great". - Josh Groban

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