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What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

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  • What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

    My hubby and I have been reading a book called "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" and there was a section that just cracked us up! I am still giggling thinking about it.


    It reads "If your spouse enjoys hamburgers and hates hot dogs and you don't know it, the hot dog casserole you made with all your love will cause you to be associated with his gagging and choking. Your hard work will go for naught , and it would be better if you had done nothing . But if you put your energy into a hamburger platter, you will hit the bull's eye. Those hamburgers mught be just enough to trigger the feeling of love."

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha hee hee hee hee hee

    When my husband and I read this he made his stomach as fat as he could , patted it , and said "MMMMM , good hamburgers honey!"

    We were both like " Who in the right mind would make a hotdog cassserole? LOL

    Then I asked my hubby "Why do you think the author made the hot dogs the bad guys?" My husband said "Maybe it's the mental picture some guy would get of his wife chopping up hot dogs with a very sharp knife! "

    My husband forgot to make coffee this morning so I called him and left a message saying "You forgot to make coffee. That does it! I'm thawing out the hot dogs right now! Mwa ha ha ha ha."

    I am sooo tempted to make him a huge platter of hamburger patties tonight just to be funny! )

    Sorry...maybe it's not funny to any of you....we just thought it was hilarious.:geek:


    So.....heard any funuy/good marriage tips lately ?

  • #2
    Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

    I have a habit of collecting sex/marriage books from the earlu 1900's on. There's some good stuff in those that crack me up. One of my favorites comes from a book that was popular with nice Christian women in the 70's. It suggests that, to spice things up, greet your husband at the door holding a freshly made martini and wearing nothing but white go go boots and pink baby doll pajamas.

    Ooooh baby!

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    • #3
      Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

      I am laughing so hard!! you two are such an awsome couple !!

      my marriage advice........ ummmmmmmmmmmm well I am d.i.v.o.r.c.e.d,but I atribute that to listening to to many tammy Wynette songs, you would think they would sings songs like . I am married and happy and dancing all night long, instead you hear, my man slapped me, cheated on me, and kicked the dog, now I am gone ! gone! gone ! .......... oh hell it was not him, blame it on the PMS !

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      • #4
        Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

        Best advice ever!

        HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE
        Home Economics High School Text Book, 1954


        Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

        Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

        Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

        Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

        Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.

        Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

        Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

        Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

        The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
        :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

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        • #5
          Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

          Originally posted by Not Afraid
          I have a habit of collecting sex/marriage books from the earlu 1900's on. There's some good stuff in those that crack me up. One of my favorites comes from a book that was popular with nice Christian women in the 70's. It suggests that, to spice things up, greet your husband at the door holding a freshly made martini and wearing nothing but white go go boots and pink baby doll pajamas.

          Ooooh baby!
          Hey I did that!! thats where the last child of mine came from.
          but I forgot to stand behind the door, the neighbors got a peek to!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

            Originally posted by Not Afraid
            It suggests that, to spice things up, greet your husband at the door holding a freshly made martini and wearing nothing but white go go boots and pink baby doll pajamas.

            Ooooh baby!

            Good one!!:lol:


            LOL


            Do ya think blue baby doll pajamas would be okay? I don't have any pink ones!!!


            LOL

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            • #7
              Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

              Originally posted by LuvsLilo
              Best advice ever!



              :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


              LOL If my kids had greeted my hubby at the door QUIETLY when they were young, my husband would have been like "Okay, just how much benedryl did you give them today?! "

              LOL


              My kids ALWAYS jumped my hubby when he got home and wanted to wrestle with him right away....especially my son!!

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              • #8
                Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

                Originally posted by Princess Buttercup
                LOL If my kids had greeted my hubby at the door QUIETLY when they were young, my husband would have been like "Okay, just how much benedryl did you give them today?! "

                LOL


                My kids ALWAYS jumped my hubby when he got home and wanted to wrestle with him right away....especially my son!!
                My daughter does the same thing. I think if she had her own firework launcher we would have a show every night, that's how loud and excited she is when her daddy comes home.

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                • #9
                  Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

                  Don't Do it!!!!!
                  Growing older is manditory
                  Growing up is however, optional

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

                    Originally posted by OogieBoogie
                    Don't Do it!!!!!
                    :lmao::lmao::lmao:

                    Originally posted by Senator David Wu (D-OR)
                    Don't let faux-klingons send real Americans to war!

                    Originally posted by TheHousingBubbleBlog
                    Everyone says that the U.S. doesn’t make anything anymore, but that’s not exactly true. We’re the world leader in the manufacturing of bull****.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

                      Originally posted by Princess Buttercup
                      Do ya think blue baby doll pajamas would be okay? I don't have any pink ones!!!
                      See, this is the part where guys probably shouldn't be reading this forum.
                      Follow me on Twitter: @matthamand

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                      • #12
                        Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

                        I have to admit that the last time I owned baby doll PJs in ANY color I was 8 years old. And, unless my husband's a pedophile, I'll stick so something black from VS's and ditch the go go boots. Maybe replace them with something knee high with laces. :evil:

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

                          Originally posted by Not Afraid
                          I have to admit that the last time I owned baby doll PJs in ANY color I was 8 years old. And, unless my husband's a pedophile, I'll stick so something black from VS's and ditch the go go boots. Maybe replace them with something knee high with laces. :evil:
                          I was 9 and they were yellow and white with little flowers on them! I loved those jammies



                          But yeah...I think you're right...we're better off going with VS these days!!

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                          • #14
                            Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

                            "Don't get married until you can't stand being single any longer," was the advice I got from my stepdad. I waited until I was 27. I've been married 29 years.
                            Have bicycle, will ride. Finished 2012 with 10,089 miles, 683 hours, and 482,000 feet of elevation gain.
                            2013: 201 rides, 8171 miles, 544 hours, 480K feet.
                            2014 so far: 7846 miles, 451,000 feet
                            sigpic

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                            • #15
                              Re: What's the best/funniest marriage advice you've heard lately?

                              For the guys... For a few days out of each month, remember the line Mark and Harrison said in Star Wars (Lock the door and hope she doesn't have a blaster)
                              Growing older is manditory
                              Growing up is however, optional

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