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Chuck Norris the Legend!

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  • Chuck Norris the Legend!

    Many of you have probably already seen this in forwarded email form, but it’s actually one of the funnier things I’ve been forwarded. Everything you always wanted to know about Chuck Norris but were afraid to ask. Enjoy.

    Please feel free to add to the list!

    1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
    2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
    3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
    5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
    6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
    7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
    8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
    9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
    10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
    11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

    12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
    13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
    14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
    15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
    16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
    17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
    18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
    19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
    20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
    21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
    22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

  • #2
    Re: Chuck Norris the Legend!

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
    ...a vaguely celtic music fills the air...


    • #3
      Re: Chuck Norris the Legend!


      Chuck Norris does come across as an army of one that has mastered every talent and skill on Earth. Even so, I love the man's movies, along with his tv show, Walker, Texas Ranger.

      I'll try my hand at adding to your list, schucks.

      24. Chuck Norris can kick higher than the amount of any traffic ticket. Therefore, cops leave him alone.

      25. When the wind blows, it goes around Chuck Norris.

      26. There is no math problem that Chuck Norris cannot solve by using subtraction.

      27. Chuck Norris allows the girls that he dates to be kidnapped beacause he enjoys the sport of tracking down the abductors and beating the living daylights out of them..

      28. Chuck Norris likes going to Disneyland in order to kill time - and anyone who prevents him from being first in line.
      Last edited by Ride Warrior; 01-24-2006, 04:20 PM.
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