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Things you will never hear in theatre

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  • Things you will never hear in theatre

    Heard/seen this from so many people, I don't know who to really credit it to-


    BY THE STAGE MANAGER:
    • It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal.
    • Take your time getting back from break.
    • We've been ready for hours.
    • No, I called that perfectly the first time, let's move on.
    • The headsets are working perfectly.
    • The cue lights are working perfectly.
    • The orchestra has no complaints.
    • The whole company is standing by whenever you need them..
    • That didn't take long.
    • No thanks, I don't drink.
    BY THE PRODUCER:
    • Of course there's enough money to go around.
    • We have money left over.
    • No thanks, I don't drink.
    BY THE DIRECTOR:
    • Wow, the designers were right, weren't they?
    • No, today is the tech rehearsal, we'll re-work that scene later.
    • I think the scene changes are too fast.
    • Of course I think that we'll be ready in time for opening.
    • The crew? Why they're just wonderful!
    • No we don't need to use glitter in this show as it takes the stage crew hours to sweep the stuff up. One small bubble machine should work.
    • Thank You.
    • My round, are all the crew here?
    • No thanks, I don't drink.
    BY THE DESIGNERS:
    • Of course all of my drawings were turned in on time.
    • Yes, it is absolutely my fault that the set looks awful.
    • You know, you might have a point there.
    • The director knows best, obviously I wasn't giving him what he wanted.
    • We may have too many gel colours in stock, I can't choose.
    • The shop will have the costumes ready on time.
    • No thanks, I don't drink.
    BY THE TECHNICAL DIRECTOR:
    • This is the most complete and informative set of drawings I've ever seen.
    • We built it right the first time.
    • No problem, I'll deal with that right away.
    • I love designers.
    • No thanks, I don't drink.
    BY THE ACTOR:
    • Don't.... Let's not talk about me.
    • I really think my big scene should be cut.
    • This costume is so comfortable.
    • I love my shoes.
    • No problem, I can do that myself.
    • I have a fantastic agent.
    • Let me stand down here with my back to the audience.
    • No, leave that spot where it is - I'll walk into it.
    • I'm sure someone told me there was a wall down here, I just forgot.
    • Without the crew the show would never run - let's thank them.
    • No thanks, I don't drink.
    BY THE STAGE CREW:
    • There's room for that over here.
    • We'll get in early tomorrow to do it.
    • No, no, I'm sure that is our job.
    • Anything I can do to help?
    • All the tools are carefully locked away.
    • Can we do that scene change again, please?
    • It's a marvellous show.
    • I don't need this many on the crew.
    • I'm getting loads of sleep - everythings going really well.
    • No thanks, I don't drink.
    BY THE ELECTRICS CREW
    • I must fix the light in the publicity office.
    • This equipment is far more complicated than we need.
    • Of course I can operate sound from here.
    • Be sure to keep that instrument away from the flying pieces.
    • All the lanterns on the bar a foot to the right? No problem.
    • All the equipment is working perfectly.
    • No, please - take the last doughnut.
    • That had nothing to do with the computer, it was my fault.
    • Yes, it would be easier to do it on paper, wouldn't it.
    • I have all the equipment I need, thanks.
    BY THE CHOREOGRAPHER
    • Plenty warm enough, thank you.
    • Thank you.
    • The lights are spot on.
    • The costumes are perfect.
    • The boom positions are fine.
    • The wing space is ample, really.
    BY THE ORCHESTRA
    • Oh the pit's fine; actually we don't need all that space you could have built a smaller pit.
    • No it's alright we can unload our equipment ourselves, we don't want to trouble the stage crew when they are busy.
    • Could you turn these music stand lights down? They're a bit too bright.
    • Of course we can play quieter.
    • The foldback is fine.
    BY THE FRONT OF HOUSE MANAGER
    • Yes, we knew all about the size of the mixing desk. We even allowed a few spare seats in the stalls in case you had some extra equipment.
    Amnesia used to be my favourite word, but I forgot it.

  • #2
    Re: Things you will never hear in theatre

    i like that..LOL



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    • #3
      Re: Things you will never hear in theatre

      ROFL! That is soooo perfect!
      Originally posted by migo
      I poop with joy!
      Best Quote...EVER!!!


      Member of the Black Cat Owners Association #6

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      • #4
        Re: Things you will never hear in theatre

        LIGHTING DESIGNER:
        -Frontlight at full? no problem!
        -No, make that back wall as tall as you want
        -Might i suggest glossy white walls?
        -No, a white couch would be AWESOME!
        The Few, The Proud, The Fans Fan of Light Magic!

        Walt Disney World College Program, Spring 2005, Entertainment

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Things you will never hear in theatre

          Hahaha thats awesome and for the most part sooo true!!

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