Hey Dorks!
I figured since my blog is The Evil Genius Guide to Disneyland, I should actually try to have something helpful. If you also want to see some of the not-so-helpful posts, check out the rest of my blog at www.evilgeniusguide.blogspot.com


Oh and sorry about the pictures... they got HUGE and I couldn't figure out how to resize them

What up Dorks!

I guess after 23 or so posts I should actually get to the guide part of my "guide". The whole purpose of me doing this blog was to give a different view(one of maturity and high class, obviously) of Disneyland and hopefully give some info and tips that will make it easier to survive a day in the Happiest Place On Earth.... Okay, honestly, it was really just because I love the sound of my own voice... in print.

So here is my awesomeness.

I am going to start in Critter Country. Why am I going to start in the back? Because I can and because it is the first alphabetically. Duh!

It's not, I was just kidding. Adventureland is first. A-Doy. Geez you are gullible!

Let's begin!

Critter Country was originally named Indian Village and was part of Frontierland. It featured Native American scenes and had an attraction called Indian War Canoes. In 1971 a four acre parcel in the northwest part of the park was made into Bear Country that was themed after the evergreen forrests of the Pacific Northwest. That totally begs the question. If it was in the southeast part of the park would it have been themed more like the Everglades? Boom! Mind blown! It was home to the famous Bear Country Jamboree(if you want to see them now you have to fly your *** across the country to Walt Disney World) and the renamed Davy Crockett's Explorer Canoes. Finally in 1988 it was renamed Critter Country in anticipation of the opening of Splash Mountain in January of 1989 which was was built to revive the often overlooked section of the park.
Shops and Food
Pooh Corner - A Winnie the Pooh themed store that sells various plush figures and the knick knacks that are plentiful in most of the the stores around the park.

Pooh stuff.
The back part of the store is a sweet shop where they sell candies, cookies, marshmallow treats, basically anything with sugar. Wanna watch an apple get dipped in caramel? You can do it there. I get diabetes every time I walk through that part.
Pooh Corner. Didn't get any pics inside... Will update
GENIUS TIP: Look up as much as you can. There is a whole other world!

Pooh's Corner
Candy and kitchen stuff

Outside the window at Pooh's Corner

I recommend the Peanut Butter Chocolate Cookie
Watch it happen!
More importantly... penny smashers... nothing like paying fifty one cents to get something not worth anything... What a racket! I have all of them... ALL... every smashed penny in Disneyland... I have... In a book... because I am awesome.
Penny Smashers!!!
Briar Patch - A hat store... More of a shack. I think it is about the size of every New York apartment you see on TV. It's right next to the Splash Mountain Fast Pass location. They sell hats.. and other hats... and various caps... and other head coverings. No penny smasher. I totally forgot to take a picture last time we were there... I will find a place holder until I can update it.
Great pic... not mine
Holy crap that is a great picture! I wish I took it! I mean I DID take it... from someone else, but I didn't "take" it...
My picture is not as awesome... But it's mine... so... It IS awesome
Harbour Galley - First tip! This is a great place to get food if you don't want to wait in line. It is right on the New Orleans Square/Critter Country border. Mostly soups and salads. Forget the sandwiches... They also do baked potatoes. Gumbo, Clam Chowder and Broccoli Cheddar soups in a bread bowl. They also have a salmon or steak salad. On the healthy side they have a fruit cup and for the kids there is the Kids Power Pack. Disney has taken some huge steps in providing healthy alternatives to the the typical amusement park food. The Power Pack comes with String Cheese, Dannon Yogurt, sliced apples and whole grain "fish"(yeah, there are quotes, that's so they don't have to say fish-like) crackers, to drink you can choose from small low fat milk, juice box or small water. It's perfect for keeping the energy up with out having your runt mainline pixie stixs.. Did I just jazz up Pixie Sticks with my misspelling? The "x" makes they waaay more extreme. Kids love extreme stuff!

Genius Tip: You can get the same soup they sell at Royal Street Veranda in New Orleans Square but wait a fraction of the time.

No line!!

I have an update on Harbour Galley. FSL and I ate there last time we went to the park. The lack of line comes at a price. The soup isn't as good and the bread bowls, stale as all get out. Also... No trays! We were going to take them to Hungry Bear to watch the Columbia sail by and I literally had my hands full of soup and soda.

Country Fruit Cart - Sells fruit. They need to rename it Country Fruit Xart... then they would be on to something. They would probably sell fruit and Mountain Dew. That's extreme, right? Maybe some flaming hot cheetos?
Ohhh! Fruit Cart! Could be more extreme!
Hungry Bear Restaurant - Biggest eating place in Critter Country. Two stories of outdoor dining right on the Rivers of America. It is a quick-service restaurant which means you walk up, order, then go to a window to pick up your food. For the most part, the quick-service isn't the best food in the park, mostly premade cafeteria type food, but if you know where to look and what not to order, you will be okay. They have a Kids Power Pack here too. On the kids menu you can also get a burger, which is about the size of a slider(perfect if you aren't really hungry and love preformed patties) or chicken nuggets, which are palatable. The kids meals are served with apple slices and carrots or french fries. For the adults, the chicken sandwich is passable, comes with fries. I try to avoid the burgers at Disneyland all together. They are preformed, and dry... imagine getting a cheeseburger at 7-11 then make is blander(is that a word? It is now). The diamond in the rough here is the onion rings. They are pretty inexpensive and you get a crap ton of them. They are known for their desserts, but I have found that they often(by "often" I mean 99% of the time) sound better than they actually taste. Sometimes while you are waiting in line the Disneyland Railroad will cruise by. I am a waver so I will always wave to the riders. Not a bad place to get away from the hustle and bustle of the park as long as you go during non peak times. You can sit right on the water. The ducks have it good in Disneyland! They get well fed around the Hungry Bear. You may also see the Mark Twain or Columbia sail by.

Genius Tip: Get the onion rings. Most bang for your buck.

Burgers? No. Onion rings? Yes.

Train chugging by

Duck on a table!

Davy Crockett ExplorerCanoes - The only guest powered ride in the whole park. The canoes are also one of the only free floating attractions, not on any rails or track system. Originally opened in 1965 the attraction was called The Indian War Canoes. In 1971 the ride was renamed a more politically correct, Davy Crockett Explorer Canoes to capitalize on the popularity of the Davy Crockett TV show. The ride is one trip around the Rivers of America lasting anywhere between 10 to 1000 minutes, depending on the traffic on the river and more importantly, how fast the 21 other guests in the canoe are paddling. I have never been on this ride. I have a sinking feeling(haha!) that I will end up yelling at the little kids and old people in the canoe with me! I don't care that your 5! Get your paddle in and dig! It would not be a very magical trip for them. ****, I am annoyed already...
Genius Tip: If I am in your canoe don't drag ***!
Davy Crockett
Same sign... More extreme!
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh - Was originally intended to find it's home where Mr. Toads Wild Ride is located in Fantasyland. Due to the public outcry, that idea was scrapped. It was also considered to be built into Mickey's Toontown and be a dark ride with spinning Hunny pots. The ride fell through and that location became the home of Roger Rabbitt's Car Toon Spin. The Winnie the Pooh characters already had a "meet and greet" spot in Critter Country, so it made sense that a ride based on the beloved creatures find it's home there. Your "beehicle" rides a rail(much like most of the Fantasyland rides) on three minute thirty second journey through one blustery day in the Hundred Acre Wood. In an homage to the Bear Country Jamboree, the busts of three Jamboree'ers are hidden on the ride just after the main Heffalump and Woozles scene. Winnie the Pooh isn't the most popular ride in the park(probably because there isn't any penny smashers), toddlers LOVE it, but the lines are never very long for it. I used to hate the ride myself, but I have grown to love it. The colors are amazingly bright, it usually has a short line, it is a cool ride... temperaturewise I mean, great on those hot days and I like the nod to Jamboree. Also... No Christopher Robin! He super annoying. He is omitted on purpose. Trying to keep with the theme of the land, they left Chris out because he is not a Critter. Secretly though, his silhouette is on a balloon on the final door before the exit.
Genius Tip: Only the front row of the bee hive vehicles has enough leg room for a person taller than six feet. The back two rows you have to squeeze in and kind of takes away from the fun. So ask if you can get the front. Here is the catch to that. A lot of times they fill the first two rows with a family and have call for a group of two to ride. You will most likely get the back, BUT you will get to skip ahead of some of the families waiting. Score!
Annoying kid climbing on everything! Please watch your kids!
Beehicle headed into the Hundred Acre Woods
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Photo courtesy of FSL The only sign of Christopher Robin
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Heffalumps and Woozles steal hunny! Beware! Beeeeeware!
Photo courtesy of FSL
Photo courtesy of FSL

Photo courtesy of FSL
I am not going to include Splash Mountain on this post because I think I can do a whole separate post on it, but Splash Mountain is also there. Get a Fastpass or go at night or in the rain. Boom! Ya been Genius'd!

That's Critter Country for you! If you have any tips or tricks feel free to leave them in the comments!


P.S. Wait! Don't you have a janky .gif for us? I look forward to seeing those! Don't worry, I got your back. It's of the Beehicle!! I exude Disney Magic!

Coming up later today... My post about Splash Mountain!