I'd like to give a big, heartfelt eff off to just about everyone in the world right now. I'm in a rotten mood, and I'm feeling ready to kick puppies or pinch babies.

To Lisa, at Patterson Recovery (who we PAY to repossess our trailers and boats), eff off. Don't send me 14 emails in one day about why things weren't done 2 months before I even started working here. We pay you, bitch, not the other way around, so drop your snotty attitude and just start doing the work we're paying you to do.

To Dave, the nerdy guy with the wonky eye who sits across from me, eff off. Don't come to my desk and give me unsolicited advice on how to do a job I've been doing for 13 years, especially when there's no complaints about my performance. If I want advice on how to word something another way, I'll come to you. I can't even tell if you're talking to me, or to the guy over there, because you're looking at us both. At the same effing time.

To Gabriel, the douchey Don Juannabe who I worked with 5 years ago and have the sad misfortune of working with again, eff off. I didn't like you then and I don't like you now. Stop acting like we're friends. Stop asking me if I still talk to anybody from our old employer - I hated those miserable bastards almost as much as I hate you.

To Dan, the crazy germophobe who sits in the next aisle, eff off. I don't want to participate in your potluck, so stop asking me what I'm going to bring. And stop spraying that effing Lysol all over the place, it makes my airways slam shut. Keep it at your desk, chump.

I'm sure I'll come up with a few more, given time to stew in my hatred.