[Fun] Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

[chesirecat]

I know a lot APers miss the old Submarine Voyage, but this is my reaction to key points during the cheesy narration which betrays a dated attraction with cheap effects:


Captain (in a calm voice): “All ahead one third.”

Mr. Baxter (in a calm voice): “All ahead one third, aye-aye.”

Captain (in a calm voice): “Stand by to dive.”

Mr. Baxter (in a calm voice): “Diving stations.”

Captain (in a now maniacal voice): “Dive! Dive!” Klaxons blare.

Captain (again in a calm voice) “—Take her down easy.”

Uh, what the—? We just barely left port and the Captain is screaming about diving? Are we on a suicide mission? Captain can’t decide whether to dive quickly or to take ‘er down easy.

Captain: “This is the Captain speaking, welcome aboard. We are now underway and proceeding on a course that will take us on a voyage of exploration through liquid space.”

Uh, I think its just the ocean, boy is this guy grandiose. Did he say if we can keep our cell phones on?

Captain "Among these coral reef you’ll see various species of marine life feeding among the seaweed and unusual rock formations. There are lobsters, crabs, sea turtles. Roaming the coastal sea bottoms in search of food are the groupers or giant sea bass."

Uh—no, those are plastic fish. Glad though I was here to see the giant sea bass, can't get any good educational material about sea bass these days. This is like PBS underwater . . . is unusual rock formations a scientific term?

Let’s see what the choice is for the inflight meal, lobsters, crabs and what?

Captain “These reptilian patriarchs of the deep are the amphibious descendants of the dinosaur, and have changed little in the past 200 million years.”

No, they’re the descendants of a mold filled with plastic.

Captain “The fish world has always been considered a silent habitat.”

More wet than silent actually . . . definitely wet.

Captain “But now thanks to remarkable advances in marine technology we can use instruments such as our sonar hydrophones to actually hear the fish talk.”

Mom, why does it sound like the Captain’s stomach? Isn’t it just the whales that talk like that, not the fish?

Mr. Baxter “Bridge, Radar One. Weather Warning. Surface storm ahead.”

Captain “Weather alert! All controls eight degrees down.”

Let me check the radar and weather report on my iPhone, uh it says just light rains for the afternoon.

Mr. Baxer “Weather alert, down eight.”

Captain. “Hold her at eighty fathoms and proceed on course.”

So if a fathom is six feet, then we’re at 480 feet below the surface. Funny, didn’t feel like we dived, but why would the captain lie to us?

Captain "Submarines can dive safely below the violence of surface storms."

Really? I didn't know that, thanks Mr. Wizard! Surface storms, Gee-Whiz we survived a surface storm! I'm going to start calling them that back home in Iowa!

Captain "Other craft have not been so fortunate. Witness the evidence of their fate, a graveyard of lost ships."

Look Mom! The Titanic! And a fancy necklace . . .

Captain "A fortune in gold and jewels safe guarded by these man eating sharks and other silent sentinels of the deep."

Why don't we go back and get the treasure as we obviously aren't that far away from port, its like the "captain" doesn't care about earthly riches anymore, are we on a suicide mission?

Mr. Baxter "We've reached the polar ice caps sir."

Captain "Take her deep."

Mr. Baxter "Aye-aye."

Good thing the captain said to take her deep, though he really didn't specify the fathoms. Shouldn't he be "captaining" the ship or whatever? Wait a minute, polar ice caps, my travel agent didn't mention this . . .

Captain “We are now passing beneath the North Pole, into a region of deep water where the sun has never penetrated.”

Why’d we come here again? Santa?

Captain "Mermaids!?! I don't believe it—"

Mom, is the captain taking LSD? How can we see mermaids when we just entered the black zone under the polar ice cap.

Captain "Ah—Mr. Baxter check the air pressure."

And check to make sure the captain isn't into the nitrous oxide again.

Captain "Mermaids and sunken treasure, something's causing these hallucinations."

Yeah, that would be the acid you dropped. Or maybe you just want us to forget that we saw the sunken treasure, you didn't seem to think you were high then, just went on and on about how the man eating sharks meant we couldn't participate in the "salvage" operation. Yeah right.

Captain "These classic ruins could very well be the lost continent of Atlantis."

Mom, the captain is tripping again, I think I can talk him down: "Captain Nemo, you took some Orange Sunshine, you're going to be whacked out for a bit. I want you to lie down and drink a can of Coke and take some B vitamins."

Get me off this boat.

[frankiefalzon]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Where's the imagination???

[calsig31]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Where's the imagination???

Where's the proof?

[chesirecat]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Where's the imagination???

That's right, it requires imagination to believe that you're actually diving in a submarine, that plastic fish with algae on them are alive, that mermaids are real. When you're a kid you buy into stuff with greater ease (I guess you could say you have more imagination), and the Subs was a great ride.

But then some APers ride the new Subs (albeit with new characters and scenes) and believe that it was some how made to be crummier than the old one when it is really the APers who has changed . . . and lost his or her imagination.

I've seen the face of a little kid who rode Nemo breathlessly, believing that everything was real . . . magic and believability is in the eye of the beholder.

I, like many guests, enjoy "believing" in Nemo's reality.

Some APers like believing in the reality of the old Subs ride, and for them, accepting a new reality is somehow difficult.

Old Subs was OK, but it wasn't based on a film or firm characters besides a sub captain who'd been submerged too long (at least in Disneyland), it helps the story when you've got characters rather than just generic plot elements like mermaids, Atlantis, sunken treasure, polar ice cap . . .

[DapperJoshua]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

What's really ridiculous is that you think your commentary is actually clever.

[Sir.Mouse]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Okay I wasn't going to bite but after I saw this I had to say something...

Let’s see what the choice is for the inflight meal, lobsters, crabs and what?

It's a Submarine, not a plane...

And for the record, I love PBS-underwater or not.

[imaginashton]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Your criticizing the original subs as if it's any less realistic that the current nemo attraction. If you think the fake fish were making the ride bad, you might as well say that Jungle cruise, matterhorn, Nature's wonderland, and just about any other attraction in the resort are bad because they're fake. This is like saying "No that yeti is definitely not real, it's just a robot in a fur coat." The subs weren't any less realistic than any other ride in the resort, and definitely not it's cartoonized incarnation.

[Atari Adventure]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

That is your opinion. And we all know opinions are like a part of the anatomy, everybody has one and they all...

Being family oriented, there is no need to bring drugs (Orange Sunshine) into this!

[Professortango]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Yes, if the old subs were built today, we would be disappointed. But the new subs fail nit because APers have changed, but because the new version fails at what the old one did eell. The old suvs used the space wonderfully. The lagoon seemed giant and full of life, and the dar scenes still made ut appear to be a small highlighted moment in a vast ocean. The new lagoon is small and empty, and the show scenes feel slammed up against the subs.

[Steve DeGaetano]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

What's really ridiculous is that you think your commentary is actually clever.

+1

[orbitalpunk]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

When I was a little boy, the captain seemed VERY real to me. I believed it 100%. I knew it was an attraction, but that voice convinced me a Naval Officer was navigating this attraction and not a CM. As I got older, I didn't believe it in the same way, but it had this class to it like a good Jules Verne novel. Those two point will always trump a fantasyland version of the subs.

What's really ridiculous is that you think your commentary is actually clever.

+1

+1

[Jayce]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Wow someone is bitter over the love for the original ride. )

[girlonawire]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Wow someone is bitter over the love for the original ride. )

And trying to start a fight, I believe....hmmmm. I adored the original subs and thought that they looked so vast and never ending when you looked out into the dark, bubbly caverns and the fantastical wonder of it all was part of it's charm.

[monster heck]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Man, that sure was a lot of stuff that I didn't read.

[christianAdam]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Man, that sure was a lot of stuff that I didn't read.

:lol:

[Joshnyah]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

I will say one thing, You take good notes. You have the whole ride script.

[frollofan]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

I don't mind you that you don't care for the old subs and you give your opinion on the ride, but criticizing every quote by the captain in relation to the show scenes just doesn't prove your point effectively to me.

[Bob Weaver]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

I don't think any of us as kids believed anything on the original Submarine Voyage was real. But it was still an adventure nonetheless. Nobody believed that the ridiculously long sea serpent was actually alive, but it was still fun to look at it. Like almost everything else in the park, the sub ride was not real, but it created its own reality, and you went along with it. Much like watching a play; you know they are actors and they are following a script, and it's not "real" in the sense that it is truly happening, it's being acted out. Yet it creates its own reality that you are engrossed in for the time you are there. Disneyland designed its own reality and always took pains to create verisimilitude when it was feasible, to make it appear as close to everyday "reality" as possible. We still weren't fooled into thinking something actually was real, but we were entertained and that's the point.

[mickdaddy]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

That actually made me really miss the old subs the dialog brought back great memories of the subs. I could visualize every scene in my head. And I would hate to see your commentary on other great attractions like the tiki room, jungle cruise, Indy, pirates, Haunted Mansion, and Matterhorn all of which you need to buy into to get the full enjoyment from.

[christianAdam]

Re: Proof That the Old Sub Ride was the Worst

Submarine Voyage (Disneyland) Part 1 of 2 - YouTube

Submarine Voyage (Disneyland) Part 2 of 2 - YouTube

for your viewing enjoyment...here is the Submarine Voyage at Disneyland. I know it's not the original but it's still pretty awesome