Fave Jungle Cruise Joke

[Cousin Orville]

What Jungle Cruise Joke shocked you? bored you? still makes you laugh?

Here's a bad one...

"There's an Anheiser Busch getting ready to Bud"

Let's hope yours are better...

[Captain Zissou]

heck im blankin out on the jokes, the only one i can really remember right now is something about trader sam bein the biggest dealer of beanie babies in the jungle or sumthen.

[DustMeUpTink]

Trader sam's special: "2 heads for just one of yours"

[robotpirates]

"Look, there's a dock over there, and a dock over there. It's like a pair-a-docks."

[notlemc]

My personal favorite:
"Hi, my name is ________ and I'll be your stripper... er I mean skipper today."

Takes the Cake:
"and two the left is the world's second most feared animal, the bull elephant, and too the right, the first most feared animal, his mother in law."

[fastpassmountain]

My favorite has always been:

If you enjoyed your ride today, my name is Mark and this is the Jungle Cruise. If you didn't enjoy yourself, my name is Karen and you've just been on Storybook Land.

...Or something to that effect. I heard some skippers use IASW and PoTC instead of Storybook Land.

[eyes_of_mara]

"Watch your step. If you miss the step and hit your head - watch your language."

"As my parents said to me when I turned 18, 'Get out, you're on your own.' "

"Let's see if I can translate what they're saying. Nope."

"These two boathands will help you out of the boat. Remember kids - stay in school."

[Shoulder Angel]

"Coming up is Shwitzer Falls... named after the famous explorer Albert...Falls"

"Coming up on the left is the rare Bull Elephant... and for those of you with short term memory problems coming up on the right is the rare Bull Elephant."

[Socapex]

"On the left we have a bengel tiger that can leap 25 feet in the air. Our boat is only 15 feet from him, so he can easily jump onto the boat and kill everyone on board."

"ahhh, isn't it cute how those Lions are protecting that dead zebra that they killed?"

"Look at that rhino about to poke those guys on the totem pole! I'll help you out buddies: *Bang Bang!* Okay guys, you can come down now."

"On the left you will see a horrible stereotype of native african culture!"

"Oh no! those guys have spears and can kill everyone on this boat! Luckily I have years of tecnilogical advantage against them: *Bang! Bang*!"

[FigmentJedi]

"If you listen quietly, you can hear the baby hippos call out to their mom"
someone yells out "HEY MOM!"

[viewaskewniverse]

hahaha these are great!!

"Hi folks, welcome to the Jungle Cruise. I'll be your skipper, Bob. That's Bob with ONE "B"."

[Wotan]

"Now there's something you don't see every day. But I do. Every single day..."

[BugsBunny]

"I'll be your Skipper, Gilligan, MaryAnne, Ginger..."

And a bit a Skipper did for us one time (my description will be bad, the bit was funny) where the natives were re-setting to their position and she said, "Now stop that! Hang your heads in shame and think about what you've done."

[Dirton]

"Please be careful when exiting the jungle cruise. We wouldn't want to scratch up out dock"

My favorite joke was one that I heard from a friend and is not in the script. Near the end of the cruise some teenagers went running by the JC screaming and yelling and sort of took the whole boats attention, to which the skipper replied, "AH! I remember my first beer" :lol:

[defm22]

Favorites

1) Do you know what the difference between the crocodiles and alligators are? The crocodiles are made of plastic and the alligators are made with fiberglass.

2) [Pointing to pillars] This was the Walt Disney Company's first attempt at a monorail system.

3) Please exit the boat the same way you entered...pushing and shoving.

4) Okay ladies and gentlemen the native usually attack from the right hand side of the boat. [Natives attack] Wait one minute here!!! What are you guys doing on the left side of the boat??? You know I told you to attack from the right and another thing what are you doing just standing looking stupid with those spears in your hand your supposed to throw them! Get back down and try that one again!

5) Ok everyone, here are the Monkeys, wave to the Monkeys... [silence] Ah, well, you see, they would wave back, but their hands are glued to the rocks. :monkey:

[Druggas]

I love kids,yes I do, especially with a little barbcue sauce and pineapple. Just kidding, just kidding, the pineapple gets caught between my teeth. I hate that!

[twinmom]

I am loving this thread!!

[ah schucks]

[ni_teach]

[mamabot]

"If you listen quietly, you can hear the baby hippos call out to their mom"
someone yells out "HEY MOM!"

Last night, we thought we were getting that one (while on the GOLD boat). Boy, we were surprised. Not often that the Skippers can surprise a boatload of APs.

Another favorite they did last night:

"Walt Disney's first attempt at the Monorail." (The arches at the entrance and exit of the Ancient Cambodian Shrine, which was built by Ancient Cabodian Shriners.)