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  • Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

    What's your favorite joke aboard the World Famous Jungle Cruise or in its queue? A couple of mine:

    From the queue: "Attention all those in line for the World Famous Jungle Cruise. May I have your attention please. PAY ATTENTION... ... ... ... ... ... ... Thank you."

    From the ride itself, during the years without the pistols, in the hippo pool: "I'm going to try to scare them off! (shouting)BANG! BANG! Oh, I'm sorry. That worked better when we had a gun." Then later at the Back Side of Water: "Everybody say 'oooooooh.' [Oooooh] Everybody say 'aaaaaaaaah.' [Aaaaaaaah] Okay now everybody hand over your wallets... Yeah, that worked better when we had a gun, too."

    I'm fairly certain neither of those two were on the approved list. I had another in mind when I started this thread, but it seems to have slipped my mind. I'll post it later if I remember it.
    The Right Honorable Count Boogie Bonz of Random, at your service.

    On Track for Weight Loss!


  • #2
    Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

    i love the new pirahna's (sp).

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    • #3
      Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

      I still think the best one I have ever had on JC is when some other guest on the boat screamed all bloody murder like at the natives throwing the spears. The CM was doing the swooshing sound like Indy and this guy at the back just screamed and said he had been hit. The CM broke character and looked ready to pee his pants. Then a nervous laugh and back into the spiel. Course it scared the crap outta everyone else on the boat too...

      And I still love the end of the ride. Ok, get out. Im sorry, please get out. Watch your step and watch your head. If you don't watch your head, please watch your language as there are kids around.

      Or the old one from a long time ago about take your kids or we take them to IASM, nail them to the floor and teach them to sing in all the languages. Ah, memories...

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      • #4
        Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

        My favorite bit is the end...

        *ba da bing*

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        • #5
          Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

          I remember it now...

          Coming up to the spear-throwing natives. "Oh no! Watch out on the right! A gang of natives is attacking! [natives pop up on the left]. No, no, no, no, no, guys! I said on the RIGHT! Go back down and try it again. [Natives begin to reset]. That's right. I'm calling your agents."

          End spiel: "...and please enjoy the rest of your stay here at this wonderful, magical place I like to call... in sick as much as possible."

          Oh, and one more from the queue: "Ladies in gentlemen in line for the World Famous Jungle Cruise, may I have your attention please? Due to circumstances beyond our control, the World Famous Jungle Cruise will continue operating for the remainder of the day. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause."
          The Right Honorable Count Boogie Bonz of Random, at your service.

          On Track for Weight Loss!

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          • #6
            Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

            There are so many classic jokes that I like. Although they're corny, I still love "Ginger snaps," "Albert falls," "two heads for one of yours," etc. etc. etc. I also like at the end when the skipper says "If you liked this ride, I'm John and you're riding the world famous Jungle Cruise; if you didn't like this ride, my name is Suzy and this is 'it's a small world.'" :lol:

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            • #7
              Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

              These are the best I've heard.

              -(in the middle of the "back side of water joke the skipper turns to a lady and says) "I'm sorry, but you look just like a Christmas Tree."
              -"I'd like to point out some of the local Flora, but I'm blind."
              -"Over here we have some exotic Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather."
              Skipper: (to child) What's your name?
              Child: Chuck.
              Skipper:..... you can't play the name game, can you Chuck.
              -(at the rino scene) "Ha! That guy's gunna get his butt speared by that strange looking elephant."
              -(at hippo pool) Don't worry, Hippos are only dangerous if they spark or emit a blue acrid smoke.
              -(at the end) if you like me my name was Jack and I was your host. If you didn't... then just call me Cupcake. And I was your Hostess"

              obviously, these are the times when the really funny skippers deviate from the script, though there is nothing worse when a non-funny skipper tries to do their own thing.
              St. Elizabeth, Patron Saint of Themed parks. Protect us from break downs, long lines, and used gum. Amen.

              "Dance like it hurts, love like you need money, and work when people are watching" - Dogbert




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              • #8
                Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

                "If you've enjoyed your stay, my name is Suzy and this is the Jungle Cruise. If you didn't, remember that you don't want me touching your food or watching your children."

                "If you are on the right side of the boat a cast member will help you out by the rear."
                "Woo-hoo!"
                "Of the boat. This is Adventureland, not Fantasyland."
                Zoe Necrosis
                Chancellor, Yensid's School of Sorcery and Necromancy

                Potter Day Lite: Spring 2013!

                http://potterday.org

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                • #9
                  Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

                  Originally posted by Autopia View Post
                  I still think the best one I have ever had on JC is when some other guest on the boat screamed all bloody murder like at the natives throwing the spears. The CM was doing the swooshing sound like Indy and this guy at the back just screamed and said he had been hit. The CM broke character and looked ready to pee his pants. Then a nervous laugh and back into the spiel. Course it scared the crap outta everyone else on the boat too...
                  that was probubly me... cause i always do that =D
                  Peace. Love. Unity. Respect. Responsibility.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

                    Best ever was Kevin on our honeymoon in 2003.
                    At the lost expedition: "Wow! wow... oh man! There must be a million rocks on that beach!"

                    At the spear throwing: "Hey, no! Guys, guys guys, we're the educational tour! You want the adventure tour group. They're 5 minutes back... now, turn around... duck back down... good."

                    At the end: "I'd like to thank the California penitentiary work release program for allowing me to be here tonight. Please gather up all your belongings, cameras, bags, children. At the end of the night we round them all up, head over to small world, glue their little feet to the floor and make them sing that song over, and over, and over. I hope you had a great time here on the Jungle Cruise, my name is Kevin. If you didn't, my name is Sarah and this is Pirates of the Caribbean. Now, get out."

                    And for some reason, this one always makes me laugh: "And on your left is the world famous Sweitzer Falls, named for the famous explorer Dr. Falls."

                    Our revels now are ended. These our actors, As I foretold you, were all spirits and Are melted into air, into thin air: And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff As dreams are made on, and our little life Is rounded with a sleep. mycroft16 on Twitter

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                    • #11
                      Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

                      I always like the ending one that goes, "Here's a little advice my dad gave me when I turned 18..........GET OUT!"
                      Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

                        I got a new favorite the other day!

                        (As we exited the boat) "And finally, one last joke for all you psychics out there:....(silence)"

                        I also enjoyed our skipper ducking down blowing into the mic with the spears and then adding (still ducked down) "Those are spears...going over your heads...like all my jokes."
                        "Remember 'Old Yeller'? We shot the dog." - Roy E. Disney

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                        • #13
                          Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

                          I heard this one in Florida's MK, and only my wife and I got it:

                          As we approached the African Veldt section, our skipper said, "Hey, you're all in for a treat today. I brought my pet zebra, Kenny, with me. He's a great zebra. I left him playing with some lion cubs. Last time I saw them, Kenny was having a great time romping around and . . . Oh my God, they killed Kenny!"

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                          • #14
                            Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

                            A few weeks ago I had a Skipper that started to sing the Jurassic Park Theme as we entered the hippo bathing pool, and the Circle of Life as we went by the African veldt. Hi-larious!

                            Another of my favorites I've only heard once or twice. Passing through the veldt, the skipper starts naming off animals: "I see giraffe, and lions, and zebras, and . . . I don't think I've ever seen those guys before. They must be gnu."
                            Are you telling me that you built a theme park.. out of a vinery and a bear shaped mountain?!!?..
                            - WestsideCM99

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                            • #15
                              Re: Favorite Jungle Cruise Bit:

                              "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the backside of water.... giggity giggity, alright."
                              “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.” ~ Mel Brooks


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