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Armchair Engineering: Hollywood Studios Expansion

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  • [Idea] Armchair Engineering: Hollywood Studios Expansion

    So, this is just a fun little thing. I decided earlier today that Hollywood Studios is the least-expandable, thematically, of the four parks at Disney World. (I'm visiting Disney World now. ) So on the drive home, I challenged myself to come up with expansions for Hollywood Studios, and this is what I came up with:

    *The Ferris Reel: An enormous Ferris Wheel made to look like a reel of film. Each gondola has a single frame of Mickey Mouse in Steamboat Willie in it. As each gondola passes the top, its frame is projected onto a giant screen next to the wheel. The ride forms a two-second loop of animation, and when it's traveling at top speed the motion appears fluid.
    *Tour Of The Stars' Homes?: A possible replacement for Superstar Limo The Rockin' Roller Coaster, but it should be a longer ride anyway with more in the realm of narrative, even during the roller coaster portion of the ride; not just a reuse of the same track. An accelerated, wild roller coaster with back-story as follows: Seeing Stars Tours Co. promises all tourists in Hollywood a chance to see where all of Hollywood's biggest stars live. Only problem? They're paid per head, so the faster they can get through each tour, the more profit they can make. So they can optimize their profits by traveling through the whole tour at sixty miles per hour and talking at the same speed - right?
    *The B-Movie Show: Corman and Wood are making a movie with RKO. And you know what that means! Time for cheese. Lots and lots of it. A silly old gray-scale haunted house ride filled to bursting with monsters you might just see the zippers on - not to mention a wide cast of other stock characters, AA and CM, here to deliver charmingly stilted exposition and screams - featuring AAs in the likeness of greats like Price, Karloff and Lugosi. Every great movie needs a side dish.
    *The Flop Pile: A log flume-type ride featuring all of Hollywood's biggest financial disasters. Set in a giant junk heap made of discarded props from failed movies, riders board Box Office Bombs, nuke-shaped devices that explore scenes from failed films as a voice explains the story behind each failure. Riders meet a giant broken AA of Eddie Murphy regretting his roles in Pluto Nash and Meet Dave, but it's too late. They then encounter CGI characters from Final Fantasy begging for a sequel as they're slowly deleted. The Bomb proceeds into Disney's very own section of the Flop Pile, which is littered with cels from Atlantis, Treasure Planet, Home On The Range, and The Black Cauldron. Broken AAs of Johnny Depp as Squanto in the Lone Ranger and Taylor Kitsch as John Carter in, well, John Carter gasp for air. Most damningly, the Martians who Need Moms arrive and approve of the Bomb's ascent further into the Flop Pile - they want to detonate Hollywood Studios, to level it to the ground. Riders continue to a battle scene straight out of 13th Warrior - but the AAs are all old and rusty, and the battle is appropriately lame. There is a roller-coaster-drop, here, though, like in the Laughing Place in Splash Mountain. An AA of Michael Cimino arrives, directing Heaven's Gate. He has gone completely nuts, and orders riders to the top of the Flop Pile, where Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are shooting Gigli. A voice says that riders are about to become extras in Battlefield Earth, but in an attempt to create an angled shot, it tilts the Bomb and drops it over the final drop, where it splashes down into the post-apocalyptic exterior of the Flop Pile. There, riders see AAs of Kevin Costner in dual roles in Waterworld and The Postman; the latter guides riders to the exit where they may disembark.
    The five worst crimes in the world, in no particular order, are genocide, rape, murder, torture, and flash photography on Space Mountain.

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