English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

[MousieMagic]

Of course I expect there to be errors in grammar especially because this is the first draft. I have yet to go back and double check everything so . . . yeah. If you see anything that may be an issue let me know. If I can improve anything either, please let me know. This is for my business English class and the topic for the paper is "why" you've chosen to take the class other than for the degree requirement. There's a few words in there that I needed to use as extra credit vocab btw.

[Tui]

Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

I'm not doing your homework for you.

But, I will tell you this: you are missing several commas, you end several sentences with prepositions, and you really should use full words and not contractions.

[NeverNeverland]

Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

Your first sentence is missing a few words too

[IzzyInWonderland]

Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

I'd love to edit this, as English is a strong subject for me. Maybe when I get through with my own homework, I'll throw some editing in there for you.

[aimster]

Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

Yeah I'm not helping you with your homework.

[PrincessY]

Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

I am a former teacher, and I adore English grammar. But Tui is right. You need to do your own homework. To start, think about prepositional phrases, run-on sentences, awkward/incomplete sentences (When you meet a person you would like for yourself to be seen as someone who you can work with.)

You've got some interesting thoughts going on here. Don't let the grammar deter you from writing (although in this case, it sounds like it is important for your grade). Editing is a learned skill. Just keep practicing! Invest in the book, [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Fourth-William-Strunk/dp/020530902X/ref=cm_lmf_tit_6"]The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition[/ame] by William Strunk Jr. It is under ten bucks.

[MsSarah]

Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

It seems like you have a decent base to your essay, I would work on punctuation and
grammar. It seems that your first sentence, and a few other spots, are missing words. I'm not loving your opening sentence, it's too....direct, and doesn't exactly catch the reader's attention. Also, I don't see a complete thesis statement which is important in any English paper, imho.

[SusieP.]

Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

I agree with Pretzel, you need a hook at the beginning.

I'd love to read it, but I have to go do revisions on my own paper tonight. Best of luck!