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English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

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  • English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

    Of course I expect there to be errors in grammar especially because this is the first draft. I have yet to go back and double check everything so . . . yeah. If you see anything that may be an issue let me know. If I can improve anything either, please let me know. This is for my business English class and the topic for the paper is "why" you've chosen to take the class other than for the degree requirement. There's a few words in there that I needed to use as extra credit vocab btw.

    Last edited by MousieMagic; 04-23-2009, 07:48 PM.

  • #2
    Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

    I'm not doing your homework for you.

    But, I will tell you this: you are missing several commas, you end several sentences with prepositions, and you really should use full words and not contractions.
    What an idiot....

    Yeah, I do that Twitter thing.

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    • #3
      Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

      Your first sentence is missing a few words too
      Good morning, son
      In twenty years from now
      Maybe we'll both sit down and have a few beers
      And I can tell you 'bout today
      And how I picked you up and everything changed
      It was pain
      Sunny days and rain
      I knew you'd feel the same things...


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      • #4
        Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

        I'd love to edit this, as English is a strong subject for me. Maybe when I get through with my own homework, I'll throw some editing in there for you.


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        • #5
          Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

          Yeah I'm not helping you with your homework.

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          • #6
            Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

            I am a former teacher, and I adore English grammar. But Tui is right. You need to do your own homework. To start, think about prepositional phrases, run-on sentences, awkward/incomplete sentences (When you meet a person you would like for yourself to be seen as someone who you can work with.)

            You've got some interesting thoughts going on here. Don't let the grammar deter you from writing (although in this case, it sounds like it is important for your grade). Editing is a learned skill. Just keep practicing! Invest in the book, [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Fourth-William-Strunk/dp/020530902X/ref=cm_lmf_tit_6"]The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition[/ame] by William Strunk Jr. It is under ten bucks.

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            • #7
              Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

              It seems like you have a decent base to your essay, I would work on punctuation and
              grammar. It seems that your first sentence, and a few other spots, are missing words. I'm not loving your opening sentence, it's too....direct, and doesn't exactly catch the reader's attention. Also, I don't see a complete thesis statement which is important in any English paper, imho.
              "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined." -Henry David Thoreau

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              • #8
                Re: English HW: Help me correct any grammar mistakes please

                I agree with Pretzel, you need a hook at the beginning.

                I'd love to read it, but I have to go do revisions on my own paper tonight. Best of luck!
                A signature should go here.

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