My first christmas as an "adult"

[winder*wonder]

This marks my first year as an adult...I am moved out with my fiance, going to college, holding a good job and those things added up are nothing compared to the stress that this christmas is bringing me.

Maybe its becuase the stress of both of my fiance and my own family trying to pressure us into spend the holiday with just them, or making sure that I get a gift for everyone that I can put some real thought into and know they will enjoy without breaking my budget. I am in the Christmas spirit, the lights, the warm feeling, the joy of giving but this weight of all the stress of making it happen is making me feel a bit crazed. I dont want to offend a family by not spending part of the holiday with them but they dont live in the same town. Or within a hour of eachother...and with the presents, thats just hard within itself!
Did this happen to anyone else out there? How did you cope with it?

[aashee]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

As you get older, this will be easier. The minute you stop focusing on pleasing everybody else you'll be a happier person. And that doesn't mean being selfish, it means fcusing your concerns on things that really matter. When you have different places to go based on new families, people understand. I used to try and make everyone happy and it made me unhappy. I hope this suggestion helps, after you deal with this stuff for a few years you'll understand.

[winder*wonder]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

It does help, thank you. Everything seems so wierd though now, by having these desicions. I guess i will always be some what childish

[aashee]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

It does help, thank you. Everything seems so wierd though now, by having these desicions. I guess i will always be some what childish

Try to keep your heart like a child, not be childish.

[winder*wonder]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

Try to keep your heart like a child, not be childish.

ahh good correction

[knittingknerd]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

You mentioned breaking the budget and such... You know that's one of the many reasons why I make my own presents. I would rather spend x amount of hours knitting each family member a pair of socks that keeps them warm.

[SnorkletsMom]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

You really can't please everyone, and you'll just drive yourself crazy trying.

Start off your new life by making your own rules. If that means you schedule visits with loved ones that may not happen on the actual day of the holiday, then so be it. They love you and will deal with it, right? They'd rather see you a day late and happy, than on the day and tired and miserable.

IF you give in and do everything others request, then they will expect you to do it every year. Imagine yourself several years from now, maybe with a child or two, still hustling from place to place because now it's a tradition.

Congratulations on a new, exciting life and happy holidays!

[Barbossa]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

This marks my first year as an adult...I am moved out with my fiance, going to college, holding a good job and those things added up are nothing compared to the stress that this christmas is bringing me.

What are you complaining about? Your life is better than a lot of other people's such as myself. I'm 30, a bachelor, educated but jobless thanks to the economy.

[SusieP.]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

You'll work it out, and if it means Christmas Eve with one set of parents and Christmas Day with another, then it's up to the families to take it or leave it. You could do breakfast with one group and dinner with the other, or whatever works best, and then switch it up the next year. Invite everyone to your house for dessert before/after the actual holiday. You have lots of options!

[winder*wonder]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

What are you complaining about? Your life is better than a lot of other people's such as myself. I'm 30, a bachelor, educated but jobless thanks to the economy.

not complaining i am very thankful for i what have, i just meant it as being stressful at the time being

[Barbaraann]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

In our family I spend Christmas Eve with my husband's family. For years that meant that I didn't spend any time with my mom, or my siblings at Christmas. That was partially because I refused to leave the house on Christmas Day, especially when my boys were young. Then one year, we started a new tradition. We decided that on the Sunday before Christmas everyone, on my side of the family, would come to my house for a Christmas get together. We have been doing that for over 20+ years now. It's a pretty casual get together, but we always have a really fun time. I now have many Christmas memories and photographs of both sides of my family. I am so glad we did this, especially since my older brother and my mom are now gone. My dad died shortly after I married. I only wish that he had gotten at least one Christmas with his first grandchild.

Buying presents is fun, but it can definitely add to the stress of the holidays. Over the years, both sides of my family have done grab bag gifts, drawn names, and done the white elephant thing. Now, we tend to keep the gifts small. We make sure there are gifts for the little ones, of course. I am to the point that the gifts are nice but I just like getting together to talk, and laugh, and catch up, since I don't see family much.

[SusieP.]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

That's a good suggestion, too, Barbarann. In my family we draw names, so we only have to buy one gift. Just the little kids get presents from everyone else, and there's only 3 of them so far.

[Eagleman]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

Try to keep your heart like a child, not be childish.

This what I thinking also.....
I know Walt Disney said this many time.........
I think it is so wise......

[aashee]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

What are you complaining about? Your life is better than a lot of other people's such as myself. I'm 30, a bachelor, educated but jobless thanks to the economy.

She's asking for advice, not complaining. Stuff can get overwhelming when you first get thrown out of the nest.

[Eagleman]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

As you get older, this will be easier. The minute you stop focusing on pleasing everybody else you'll be a happier person. And that doesn't mean being selfish, it means fcusing your concerns on things that really matter. When you have different places to go based on new families, people understand. I used to try and make everyone happy and it made me unhappy. I hope this suggestion helps, after you deal with this stuff for a few years you'll understand.

aashee
This Statement is very good!
We all can learn fom this!

[Eagleman]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

It does help, thank you. Everything seems so wierd though now, by having these desicions. I guess i will always be some what childish

Most of us,do know what you are saying.....
because we been there....call change of Life....
And you just trying to understand.....and you asking question!
asking for feedback....I think that better, than keeping to your self!
I Hope it's been helpful!
I also know most are not going look down at you , for asking!
We all been there! Keep the spirit Christmas in your heart!
You not alone.........

[flynnibus]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

what you are starting to see is the 'other side of the fence'

For kids Christmas is all gain... they get tons of gifts, they get time off from school.. maybe the worst they get is dragged to some parties or travel they don't want.

As an adult you get to deal with with the scheduling, the 'rush', the monetary side, etc. It's a lot more work.

People cope in different ways.. some start real early to avoid the rush. Some put up boundaries which are untouchable in terms of travel, etc.

It gets worse when you have kids. Here, both our families are within driving distance so everyone wants us there, etc. I spent my entire childhood traveling all day Christmas day to goto both sides of our family. I put a stop to that as an adult. It's very simple... Christmas Day is at my house. Anyone who wants to come is welcome - but it's my house, my day, my family. Other celebrations we schedule on other days - but Christmas Day is mine. Once we laid that law down, people work around it.

[NeverNeverland]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

I am actually hoping it will get better when we have kids... We will have more leverage to say No, this is how we're doing it with our family. Having one set of parents 10 mins away vs one set a plane ride away we are going to have to have some sort of plan going forward!

[SCUBAbe]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

I get the gifts for those I know are difficult to buy for months before Christmas...then I don't have the stress of trying to find something for them last minute...other than that people usually tell me what they want and I get them stuff from the list I can afford to get.

[winder*wonder]

Re: My first christmas as an "adult"

Well if anyone is wondering the day went well. We stayed the night at my fiances house, opned gifts, and headed straight to my family where we had lunch/more presents and then we went back to his parents for pie. It was nice, being with both families but next year, i think i will be taking your guys advice by setting dates for when we will hang out with one group and then the other. BUT..Im not too worried about that right now, I have another 11 months....:P