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  • My Best Friends Girlfriend

    My best friend and fraternity brother is now going to grad school in Boston. His girlfriend of over two years is still in school here in Seattle. I lived with her for the last 6 months and him the 3 years prior to his first year away which was last year.

    The problem isn't exactly what you might think... No I'm not lusting after her or anything. Problem is that she has asked him for a "break" ala Ross and Rachel from 'Friends.' He's heartbroken as he was going to propose this December.

    The problem I need help with is he called me this morning at 6:20am (a fine 9:20am for him) needing advice. He wanted to call her because through reading Livejournal and reading away messages on AIM he has come to the conclusion she has a date with some guy on Sunday. That sent him over the edge and he called me in a panic.

    My problem is I hate to see him like this, its awful, we've been best friends for a while now, and I of course want to help. I've also been friends with her for a while too. He isn't supposed to talk to her while they are on a break but the not knowing if she is dating is killing him. I'm not going to sneak around and ask her if she is dating and report back to him, but how can I calm him down about it without breaking the trust of her? He says he'll break up totally if she starts dating other people... and she said she wouldn't.

    I dunno, I'm kinda lost with ideas. Maybe its because I got up at 6:20am this morning, but this started this past Saturday and its a tough balancing act to not take sides with them. Any help would be awesome. I figured I'd post in the lounge so I could get some male AND female responses. What would you do?
    Infinity and Beyond:
    The technology of today is changing the media of tomorrow.
    http://www.infinityandbeyond.tabert.com/

  • #2
    Re: My Best Friends Girlfriend

    Wow. Well, plain and simple, she's seeing someone else. That's why girls (and guys) ask for "breaks". He just needs to get used to that idea, and if he wants her CALL her, and find out what's behind this "break".

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    • #3
      Re: My Best Friends Girlfriend

      tell him to also blog that he has a girl, that will send her right back into his arms ha ha h . Truly girls can be rotten so maybe he needs to move on and find a sweet girl to love.

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      • #4
        Re: My Best Friends Girlfriend

        Are you still living with her? Because that puts you squarely in the middle. If not, then you're off to the side. I'd be quiet. You don't want to tell him something he wouldn't find out on his own, especially if they get back together. Then you'd always be the guy who told him something he didn't want to know.

        You don't want to be the messenger....there's a reason they get shot, you know?

        You're in the eye of the storm right now, so it's hard to have any perspective on the situation. Give it a little time, and things will be easier to handle. Give yourself a break...from them. In the long run, you'll all be better off.

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        • #5
          Re: My Best Friends Girlfriend

          I would move on as well....breaks are often for unstated reasons.

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          • #6
            Re: My Best Friends Girlfriend

            Are you still living with her? Because that puts you squarely in the middle. If not, then you're off to the side. I'd be quiet. You don't want to tell him something he wouldn't find out on his own, especially if they get back together. Then you'd always be the guy who told him something he didn't want to know.

            You don't want to be the messenger....there's a reason they get shot, you know?

            Oooh, yes, actually, I forgot about that. I lost my bestfriend for roughly a year b/c my boyfriend (now husband) had told me that the guy she was dating had a child. I told her. She told him. He denied it.

            The messenger will ALWAYS get shot, and you'll end up losing one or the other, or both.

            Another example of this...a friend of mine was out of town, I was hanging with her boyfriend...he was all over me, telling me he loved me, what not. I told her, she told him, he denied it. I lost her friendship. They got married. Saw her a year ago...now divorced...b/c he cheated on her.

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            • #7
              Re: My Best Friends Girlfriend

              Originally posted by stinkerbell
              You don't want to be the messenger....there's a reason they get shot, you know?
              Well, me not wanting to get shot....

              I don't live with her anymore, that changed a month ago, and then a girl moved in. She has lived with guys all through college, and now she has a single female roomate (jealous of new roomies male attention?).

              Thanks for the advice guys, it helps give me a unbaised perspective!
              Infinity and Beyond:
              The technology of today is changing the media of tomorrow.
              http://www.infinityandbeyond.tabert.com/

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              • #8
                Re: My Best Friends Girlfriend

                I say move on... There are too many people (some even good!) in the world to date.

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                • #9
                  Re: My Best Friends Girlfriend

                  This is all my opinion:

                  It's harsh and it'll be hard for your friend but he should move on in his life. "Breaks" like these rarely work for the best for the person not wanting the break in the first place.

                  My husband's ex told him she wanted a "break" for a year. I knew his ex in high school and I remember her saying how my husband wasn't allowed to propose to her until she was 22 and before that they had to have a break for a year. The purpose of the break was for her to date other people and my husband to pine away "proving his love." Fast forward a few years and she actually did it. He did pine away for a few months and then by chance we bumped into each other at a party. It threw a huge kink in her plans. Ooooh the drama that ensued that summer. It wasn't as bad as the fall. I went to school 400 miles away so she started calling him and inviting him out places while I was gone. He would always turn her down because, obviously, he wasn't interested in her anymore. All my husband's friends kept telling him that he should wait for her, that she will come back to him (talk about having negative forces against your current relationship). I'm glad my husband wasn't a weak man. The climax was one weekend I was home and she came over to his place drunk off her butt. She's crying about how much she loved him and how they had four years together, and she still wanted a future. She was crying on my brother's shoulder (of all people). My brother told her bluntly "Well you did end it with him and now he's in love with my sister. That's life." My brother got through to her and that was the end of her causing problems for us.

                  So after my long post I think personally it'll be best if your friend moved on with his life. Maybe he and she will find their way back to each other but this "break" is going to be painful for him unless he moves on.

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