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Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

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  • Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

    Well, Thanksgiving Day is just a few weeks away so it's time to ponder the numerous temptations that you will be faced with between now and New Years Day. Here are some pointers and advice:

    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday Spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.

    7. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    8. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

    9. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    10. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

    11. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

    Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming 'WOO HOO -- what a ride!'"
    "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." Oscar Wilde

  • #2
    Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

    I LOVE IT!!! :lol: That's great, words to live by

    Delta Mu Chi Alpha ΔΜΧΑ


    • #3
      Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

      I just about chocked on my mac and cheese!!! Yep a post after my own heart ha ha ha ha ha
      you are so funny)))))))))))))))


      • #4
        Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

        Oh man, now I'm hungry.
        �In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.� -Michael Jackson


        • #5
          Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

          ^ Me too.

          I live by the Gravy rule!!!


          • #6
            Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

            desert...........................I bow to you )


            • #7
              Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

              Ooohh pass the pecan pie please...with extra whipped cream!


              • #8
                Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

                Bring on the eggnog! (spiked, please....)


                • #9
                  Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

                  Can I extend #6 to March?? :thumbup:


                  • #10
                    Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

                    ahh the holiday Bulge...I have missed it, time to bring it back.

                    now bring on the goodies


                    • #11
                      Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

                      Now why don't doctors recommend this diet?

                      I mean you have your fruits (in pies, ice crams, drinks, and cakes)
                      you have your dairy (Ice Cream, milks, cheeses, etc.)
                      you have nuts (the have to come from nature some how so they must be some sort of natural suppliment)
                      You have your potatoes
                      Stuffing usually has ingredients to improve its taste that come from plants
                      you have Turkey or Ham
                      Then you have your fats (soda and candy).

                      I mean basically most of this stuff is nutritious and all comes from the food pyramid )


                      • #12
                        Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

                        :lmao: I absolutely freaking love this!! I've gotten it in my email a couple of times and I think its great!!! So inspirational too!!! :evil:

                        Help me get more security in Pingvinivlle! Click here!

                        Originally posted by AGhostFromThePast
                        all you need to know about the mommy stick is.. out of all the bad things that could happen to you... it's right between wetting yourself and death.


                        • #13
                          Re: Holiday Eating Tips - "Tis The Season"

                          Desertdweller, I fully intend to follow your advice this holiday season! :yea:
                          Looking for the truth about giraffes?