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Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

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  • Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

    Here's the situation:

    My mom is married to a guy who annoys the snot out of my husband and me. They live on 40 acres out in the boonies and have no cable, about 2 hours from our house. They've been married for two years.

    He has the most obnoxious mother on earth. I've known this woman since I was in 8th grade and both my sister and I hate her. She was the playground monitor at the elementary school in our tiny town where my sister attended school for 7 years. Everyone I know thinks she's awful! Famous for it. :lol:

    So they want us to come to their house for Thanksgiving. To me, Thanksgiving is all about turkey, mashed potatoes and homemade gravy, and the Macy's Parade and plotting my day-after shopping spree. To my husband, it's all about pumpkin pie and football.

    We went to their house last year, and it was HORRIBLE!!

    My mom's mother-in-law wouldn't let any of us in the kitchen, made apple pies in September, then FROZE them so when she cooked them, the were all mushy and wet, made THREE jello desserts one of which had walnuts floating in it, and had a cow when my mom told her I intended to make the mashed potatoes. She wanted me to do them TWO hours before the turkey was done, and when I refused she stomped off. She's a total control freek!! I'm from a small family...and we always do things our own way. I've never had to be a "guest" at my mother's house before and when I'm there now, and her mother-in-law is there, it's clear I'm nothing but a guest. It's horrible!

    Then she had a pouty fit, because I brought two pumpkin pies and a chocolate pie. Her apple pies didn't get touched, there was one scoop of jello gone from her three jello pans, and my pies were GONE. She'd also made another chocolate mousse dessert.....but since we all saw it sit out on the counter ALL DAY LONG no one touched it.

    On top of that, my mom invited her ex-boyfriend. It was so awful! :lol: He clung to me and my husband like glue because everyone else was so hostile to him. And I don't like the guy.

    This year my sister is going and she'd like me to go. My husband says NO WAY. We drove down there and back in one day last year. He missed all his football, I missed my parade, we spent half the day in the car, the other half listening to my mom's mother-in-law whine and complain. And my mom was hurt because we wouldn't spend the night. I could NOT stay over....my day-after shopping is like religion to me, and in downtown Portland there's a Christmas parade in the afternoon, then the Christmas tree lighting and caroling in the evening, and then we head to Meier & Frank to see Santa. Then on Saturday we buy our tree and spend that day and Sunday decorating. It's a HUGE deal to us. My husband doesn't care about many holidays, but he looooves Thanksgiving and was completely miserable at my mom's last year.

    But on top of my sister going, my mom's husband's nephews and nieces will be there, his son and wife and their new baby girl.

    I know that my husband and I are being selfish. But we really don't want to go to my mom's house! His mom always wants us to come for Thanksgiving and we've split that holiday with my mom. But this year, his grandparents are not doing well, and his mom is not going to do a big Thanksgiving meal, if she does one at all (which is shocking, she always does a big meal).

    So....we might do a buffet downtown at the Governor Hotel. It's dressy and semi-formal and it sound fabulous. Or we might do a turkey and the whole deal at home....which sounds the best to me!

    I know this is long....and I should search my heart and all that......but what would you do if you were me?
    38
    Suck it up and go to step-dad and mom's house.
    2.63%
    1
    Go to the fancy buffet.
    15.79%
    6
    Stay home, watch TV, rest for the 5 a.m. sales.
    63.16%
    24
    Go to the in-laws, even if they don't invite anyone but us.
    18.42%
    7

  • #2
    Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

    I'd stay home and be selfish, but that's just me
    Seriously, it's hard on the kids too, they can't enjoy the holiday and if you're cranky then they're cranky. Stay home and make the big ol' shebang together! Give the girls jobs, have Chloe make decorations and then the next night have hot turkey sammiches for dinner



    Delta Mu Chi Alpha ΔΜΧΑ

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    • #3
      Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

      Easy. It's his mom's turn. And, as his grandparents aren't doing that well, it's important to see them this year. And even though she may not cook, you really need to be around and be able to at least have a visit. (That's no lie, either, you know.)

      Maybe you should invite your MIL to the Grosvenor?

      -TLMt

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      • #4
        Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

        Stink - Why torture yourself and your husband? Do what you WANT to do. You see your mom other times during the year, right?

        I long ago stopped doing what I was "supposed" to do in relation to my family on holidays. I dreaded the holidays because of the ugliness and drama. Now my daughter and I decide what we want to do, and we do it. Its so much more peaceful and relaxing, and makes the holiday more special.

        I recommend you and the hubby start creating your very own holiday tradition, weather it is going to the fancy dinner, or having a quiet dinner at home. Loose the drama and do what will make the two of you happy!!!

        Originally posted by Senator David Wu (D-OR)
        Don't let faux-klingons send real Americans to war!

        Originally posted by TheHousingBubbleBlog
        Everyone says that the U.S. doesn’t make anything anymore, but that’s not exactly true. We’re the world leader in the manufacturing of bull****.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

          Would you be open to hosting them at your house?
          )

          And find them a nice hotel for that evening?

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

            Wow, you all make it sound so easy. I feel so cruddy!

            We used to do every Thanksgiving at my mom's when we were first married and we'd stay there most of the weekend. We did everything our own way, made the dessert we loved, our mashed potatoes were exactly how we liked them. We watched the parade in one room and my husband watched football in another room.

            We used to watch the Star Wars trilogy all in one sitting. My mom, sister and I would get up way before dark and do our shopping on Friday. We'd go home on Saturday night, then on Sunday we'd get our tree and decorate. We really loved those weekends.

            But it's not like that anymore....so we started switching Thanksgivings with my in-laws. But this year, I just don't think my MIL is up to it. And fat chance getting her and my FIL up to the Governor....he'd NEVER miss his football!! :lol:

            My kids would have a blast at my mom's by the way, that's what kills me. They'd have so much fun.

            Ugh.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

              It is easy Stink! The only family you have to worry about is you, your honey and the kids. That's it. Whatever will make the day special and enjoyable for THAT family is the right decision.

              Originally posted by Senator David Wu (D-OR)
              Don't let faux-klingons send real Americans to war!

              Originally posted by TheHousingBubbleBlog
              Everyone says that the U.S. doesn’t make anything anymore, but that’s not exactly true. We’re the world leader in the manufacturing of bull****.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

                STAY AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHERS HOUSE!!!!!! My brother used to want us to do Christmas at his house when he lived with his sister in law, but we could not stand her or her family...so we stayed away. My brother got over it and understood why we didn't go. Don't torture yourselves
                Katie :yea:
                Founding member of the BA I LOVE us!!!
                :sc: FIGHT ON!!!!!!








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                • #9
                  Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

                  Man, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of all. I wouldn't get near that situation you described. How does your mom even begin to put up with that takeover in her kitchen. That woman needs to be put in her place once and for all!

                  Agree with a hyperbole, you need to establish you own traditions. I did it years ago and never looked back.

                  I voted twice! My first choice would be staying at home and second would be the buffet.
                  "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." Oscar Wilde

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                  • #10
                    Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

                    I would go to the Governor or have it at home. Be selfish. Your mom will have a ton of people at her house anyway, so its not like she is spending it alone, so why should you and your husband be miserable. Anyway it is your MIL turn, you were at your mom's last year, so you should feel no guilt. Heck- don't miss Friday shopping!!
                    Fratsor Sister - Delta Mu Chi Alpha

                    ΔΜΧΑ

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                    • #11
                      Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

                      Stink, STAY HOME!

                      Enjoy the hubby and the kiddies, and relax and have a great Thanksgiving with them. They'll thank you for it!
                      sigpic

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                      • #12
                        Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

                        Originally posted by a_hyperbole
                        It is easy Stink! The only family you have to worry about is you, your honey and the kids. That's it. Whatever will make the day special and enjoyable for THAT family is the right decision.
                        I agree with this sentiment 100%. Sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish for the sake of your own sanity.



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                        • #13
                          Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

                          I say be selfish..... stay home and enjoy the day with your hubby and kids! I have become very selfish when it comes to how I spend my holidays now. Ever since Mothers Day 1998 I will no longer spread myself all over going house to house to please the world. If you want to see us, come to my house is my motto

                          Enjoy the Macy*s parade and some good home cookin'
                          ~~~:ap:~~~

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                          • #14
                            Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

                            Stay home- enjoy your family!

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                            • #15
                              Re: Thanksgiving....tell me what to do!

                              It sounds like what you really want to do is stay home. So stay home. You went last year. Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Go to your mom's next year.

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