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30 Lines to Make You Smile

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  • 30 Lines to Make You Smile

    1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was
    God and I didn't.

    2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

    3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

    4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

    5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

    6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

    7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

    8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

    9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

    10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

    11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

    12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

    13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

    14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

    15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

    16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

    17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

    18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

    19.. Procrastinate Now!

    20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

    21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

    23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

    24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

    25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

    26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times
    the memory.

    27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
    pig.

    28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

    29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

    30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.
    PirateMunkee

    Visit My Horror Designs Store!!!

  • #2
    :lol:

    Thanks, I needed that.
    procrastibating

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    • #3
      Eeples!

      Very good list. I should adopt some of those for my own.
      Last edited by Gwyren; 04-01-2005, 12:44 PM. Reason: spelling...

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      • #4
        Originally posted by PirateMunkee
        30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.
        :lol:

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        • #5
          Those were great! I needed a good laugh!!!!
          Mellymouse




          (do you think the Finding Nemo Subs line will be under 3 hours by then?)





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          • #6
            Cuzco-Topia...

            omg! your avatar! I had to show everyone at work! That is too much! we all loved it! :lol: :lol: :lol:
            Mellymouse




            (do you think the Finding Nemo Subs line will be under 3 hours by then?)





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            • #7
              Originally posted by MellyMouse
              Cuzco-Topia...

              omg! your avatar! I had to show everyone at work! That is too much! we all loved it! :lol: :lol: :lol:
              Thanks It's amazing all the crazy photos that are floating out there.
              Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
              Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!
              Marge: [reading from the test box] "Ahoy, Maties! If the water turns blue, a baby for you! If purple ye see, no baby thar be!"
              Homer: So, which is it? Blue or purple?
              Marge: Pink.
              Homer: D'oh!
              Marge: "If ye test should fail, to a doctor set sail!"

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