Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

$400 a month vs. FREE??

Collapse

Get Away Today

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #21
    Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

    Originally posted by SummerInFL View Post
    Okay I need another persons opinion, since I am about to choke my BF.

    My new job hours are from 8-5 M-F. Currently I am working 8:30-5:30.

    With having to get to work by 8am I can no longer drop my daughter off at 7:30am and get to work on time so I told my BF he would have to start taking her.

    He started saying how he would lose his job and how he would be late every day and it would be reflect poorly on him. Here is the problem,

    If I leave at 7:10am every morning, I get C to school at 7:30am for breakfast and then I get to work around 8:05ish. Now granted I drive about 20 miles to work every day so that's about right.

    He however works 3.2 miles from C's school and has to be there at 8am to start his shift. Now we can't drop her off any earlier than 7:30 am because there is no one at the school before then.

    So he wants me to crank out 400 extra bucks a month out to pay for before and after school care when right now its costing us NOTHING to have her at the rec center now.

    See everyday Phil takes his 30 minute lunch and picks her up and takes her to the rec center because they don't provide transportation to and from the school.

    His main complaint is he believes he will be late to work everyday dropping her off at 730am because it will take him longer than 30 minutes to get to work. He also piped up that sometimes C gives us a hard time in the morning getting her up and I suggested that since I will have to leave earlier to get to work on time, that I would wake her up with me and get her ready so he can take her to school in the mornings.

    The only OTHER alternative is she can take the bus in the morning but then she doesn't get breakfast at school and would have to eat at home. (Really not a big deal but why not take advantage of the free breakfast at school?)

    So is he being unreasonable? He firmly believes that if he has to do this he will lose his job. I honestly have been doing crap like this on my own for years now before we got together and its just been the things that need to get done, so I did them. I think he is being whiney but on the same token I don't want him to jeopardize his job either. However, I think he is grossly exaggerating his points.

    So we can either put her on the bus in the morning and he still picks her up in the afternoon OR I can shell out about 400 bucks a month to put her in before and after school care.

    Any thoughts?
    Well I suppose he should help..I can see your point...but is there any way your new job will offer you 'flex time'? Explain to them your situation. Maybe they'd allow for you to come in 8:15 to 5:15. Just an idea.

    If your boyfriend your baby's Dad?

    Comment


    • #22
      Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

      Originally posted by migo View Post
      I say he gives it a test run, then decide whether he's late or not. As of now, he just sounds like he's being lazy.
      I agree with this too. How much of a 'boyfriend' is he? Is he wanting to further the relationship and be a husband at some point? Come on.....

      On one hand I think that if he's not 'daddy' then is it really his responsibility????? BUT the stronger answer I come up with to counter THAT first question one is if he loves you and your child, why WOULDN"T he help out?

      Comment


      • #23
        Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

        Originally posted by Disneyland Daddy View Post

        On one hand I think that if he's not 'daddy' then is it really his responsibility????? BUT the stronger answer I come up with to counter THAT first question one is if he loves you and your child, why WOULDN"T he help out?
        If he is not daddy, then the responsibility isn't really his. However, depending on how committed your relationship is and what kind of a relationship he has with the child, it's not unheard of for him to help out.

        Example: Anders gets up early every other week (the weeks I work at 6am) and drives Jr Miss Sunnygirl to school. Her school is close enough for her to walk (1.5 miles) and he doesn't have to do so, but he does, without complaint.

        At times, I feel odd about asking for his help with her, and if at any time he expressed discomfort with doing so, I think I would understand. Anders does more for her every day than her own father does.

        The fact that your bf does help out by taking her to the rec center on his lunch says that he is involved to some degree and not totally selfish. Cut him some slack.


        P.S. If he is her daddy, then I think his hesitance to help out in the mornings makes him kind of a tool.
        Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

        Comment


        • #24
          Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

          I agree with SG. If he's not that daddy then it's not really his 'job'. He could do it to help you out, but it's certainly not required. Seems that he already helps with the picking up.

          Just have her take the bus.

          Comment


          • #25
            Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

            Thanks for the input, it was interesting to see it from so many angles. We talked about it together and we decided to have to her take the bus in the morning and he will continue to pick her up in the afternoon.

            And no, he isn't her daddy, but he is a wonderful father to her.

            Comment


            • #26
              Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

              I don't really have an opinion, but I wanted to post anyhow.

              Actually, if he balks at this little responsibility, what's down the road for the two of you?
              sigpic

              This has been a Filmways presentation dahling.

              Comment


              • #27
                Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

                my situation has already been explained in this thread. but, I wanted to offer my own thoughts as well. the Jr. miss isn't my daughter and in no way does she view me as her dad or anything like a father. I do a lot of things for her that I know she doesn't realize and won't acknowledge until many years down the line. She still asks me whether or not I went to any of her soccer games last year, when I was at almost all of them. I know SunnyG appreciates all that I do and I realize that down the line the Jr. Miss will realize how much I was there for her. I do what I do because I want to, if I was told by SunnyG that I needed to do something such as driving her to school it would create an unneeded rift between the two of us. We're a family, but I do what I do because I want to, not out of an obligation. If the Jr. Miss could ride the bus, I'd be all for it.

                edited to add: I wanted to add that those that question his commitment to the relationship, because of his "balking" should realize how difficult it is to be a parental type person to a child that isn't yours, without the child giving you any of the love and credit that comes from a child naturally. I am no match for someone who the Jr. Miss talks to once a month or so, and that's something that is not always easy to accept, but yet it doesn't keep me from doing the things I do for her.

                Parents of children that aren't theirs realize the situation they are getting themselves into isn't the same as being a parent of a child that doesn't have a "daddy" other than you. We know what we're getting into when we enter our familes and love our partners and the families that they have invited us to be a part of.

                If he wasn't commited to the relationship in the long run, he never would have gotten into the relationship.
                Anders
                back to basics
                Last edited by Anders; 09-13-2006, 11:31 PM.

                ErikAnders.smugmug.com

                Fratsor Brother - ΔΜΧΑ


                1519, 4066, 423, 600, 2469, 378, 5044, 888

                Comment


                • #28
                  Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

                  Please don't think of my post as being someone who is unappreciative of everything that he does. We have a very healthly relationship, we are very happy and he does more for me than anyone I know. On the same hand, he is also not a person who is lazy by any means. What we do in the home, we do together, laundry, dishes, dinner etc...

                  Everyone has their own ideas of how a relationship should work, me being a very independent woman I believe that everything should be 50/50 and its a team effort. MANY, many people don't think that way.

                  Now that also doesn't mean that we don't disagree from time to time, it's human nature, it's what people do. But he also likes our arrangement and when we first got together he understood that my children came first and my family always will. That being said he also understood that anyone I am with would naturally help me, not to the point to where I would be taking advantage of him but if I wanted to be a single mother doing it myself I would be.

                  While I realize that this arrangement is not agreeable to some people and others may be quick to judge, (many people make assumptions, its human nature) it works for us and we are happy together. Me asking my mice chat family for an opinion is no different than calling my mother. However, I also have the realization this is the internet and with that comes diversity of people.

                  So thank you, for all your comments, postive or otherwise, we worked it out together and we are happy with the outcome. And oh yeah, he knows I posted and he understood why.
                  SummerInFL
                  Relax
                  Last edited by SummerInFL; 09-14-2006, 09:05 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

                    Summer you rock!! and so does he

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

                      Originally posted by hakuna makarla View Post
                      Summer you rock!! and so does he
                      :ghug: Thank you Karla, your the sweetest woman I know.

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

                        That's awesome! I am so glad everything worked out!

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          Re: $400 a month vs. FREE??

                          Originally posted by Anders View Post
                          I know SunnyG appreciates all that I do and I realize that down the line the Jr. Miss will realize how much I was there for her.

                          I am no match for someone who the Jr. Miss talks to once a month or so, and that's something that is not always easy to accept, but yet it doesn't keep me from doing the things I do for her.
                          Just wanted to chime in and say:

                          1) Anders you are very right, thats exactly pretty much what stepparenting is. It's harder then being a regular parent, and you get less thanks. Usually zilch.

                          2) I would be pretty pissed even if my husband came to me and started insisting that I had to take his daughter (my stepdd) places or I "had" to do things for her. She has a mom, and a dad, and neither of them are me. I choose to help.
                          It's Just me, Jenn.
                          "Crowded classrooms and half-day sessions are a tragic waste of our greatest national resource - the minds of our children." ~Walt Disney

                          Comment

                          Get Away Today Footer

                          Collapse
                          Working...
                          X