I lost someone

[Jungle Cruise Gal]

I just found out my ex boyfriend commited suicide tonight.We were together for 8 months and I'm the one who broke it off barely a month ago.I'm so hurt,mad and numb.I feel like its all my fault, I'm new to the area and don't know a whole lot of people.Does anyone have any advice? I feel like crap right now.Please help?

[Melonballer]

Re: I lost someone

I'm sorry that happened. I don't have any advice for you. I have been lucky to have never lost a friend or loved one to suicide. I would tell you not to blame yourself. It was his decision, as sad as it is. Other than that I hope you feel better soon.

[AlexLoup]

Re: I lost someone

God, I'm sorry honey.

But it's not your fault, it really isn't.

Vent, vent whatever you want to say, say it to a pillow, a wall. Hit something don't build up all of that.

I'm not good at advice but that is all I can give plus...

:ghug:

[elly]

Re: I lost someone

its a shame he made the choice he did, but you can't beat yourself up with the game of "What if...?". Just try to remember him in the good times you had with him and keep your chin up best you can and remember to take care of yourself during this trying time.

[Joshrzmeup]

Re: I lost someone

It is NOT your fault, do not blame yourself. If he had troubles of some sort, he may not have said anything, not wanting to burden you.
I know it's hard for you to grasp what happened, but we are here for you, for a hug or a good vent.
Just keep positive spirits and remember the good times you had together.

[Hakuna Makarla]

Re: I lost someone

oh, this is very sad. I am so sorry, but you know its not your fault. I will be praying for you, and his family today .

[PEZZ Lightyear]

Re: I lost someone

I lost a High School friend to suicide a couple of years after graduation. Everyone I knew was so shocked and saddened.

My first wife also had some "difficulties" during our marriage, resulting in her being hospitalized after a suicide attempt. That took me by surprise and I lived with her! I went through some pretty heavy therapy after that (and she is still struggling but still around).

From what I know of mental illness and suicidal people, I can say that it really is them and NOT YOU who has a problem. It's horrible and depressing and infuriating, but mental problems really are sicknesses and not a lack of "willpower" or intelligence. Clinical depression and bi-polar depression are dangerous and frightening. The problem is, the person affected usually can't see it for what it is and those closest to them can't see it either. Friends and family are accustomed to depressives' moods and lethargy and dismiss it by saying "Oh, he's just like that". And many people with mood disorders know how to "act normal" to avoid being singled out & embarrassed. It's only after a serious, self-destructive event that bystanders get an inkling of what is going on inside their heads.

You are not a mind-reader or mental health professional. You did not let your friend down in any way. He succumbed to serious ailment. Unfortunately, one of the symptoms of the affliction was to attempt to take his own life. I am sorry that he succeeded.

From the brief time we spent together, you strike me as a very bright and courageous person. Moving down here to pursue your dream is incredibly commendable. Focus on the things you are going to do with your future and remember that life is precious.

[Kaye]

Re: I lost someone

Im sorry for your loss, but dont beat yourself up. It's not your fault.

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Re: I lost someone

Jungle Cruise Gal, I am so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this right now.

A friend that was living with my boyfriend and I committed suicide last October and it was quite traumatic and heartbreaking for both of us and I don't think either of us is entirely over it or ever will be. We still think of him all the time. We felt that we were to blame for not seeing the signs but he had assurred us that, while he was having a hard time in life, he wasn't thinking of giving up. The fact that he had a 9 year old daughter that he adored further led us to believe that he would never do anything that would hurt himself or her. It wasn't until later, when we were talking with his ex-wife, that we learned that he had stopped taking his anti-depression medication because he could no longer afford it. He was also abusing alcohol to no end. Not a good combination. There were many people that would have helped this guy in a hearbeat if only given a chance. Sadly, we never got that chance. There are things in life that are out of our control and we must accept that.

Please understand that you didn't do this to him. He chose to do this.
Again, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Please PM me anytime if you would like to talk about it. Take care.

Eric

[dsnylndmom]

Re: I lost someone

I am so so sorry for you loss :ghug: Like everyone else said, although it's hard, please remember that it is not your fault, he made his own decision and it is not your fault!

Remember we are all here for you to vent to, don't keep your feelings inside :ghug:

[Dustysage]

Re: I lost someone

Now that you know that it ISN'T your fault, you need to walk away from the hurt. We all make decisions in life and as cold as it is for me to say so, he made a very bad one. The easy way out for only one person. What he did was hurtful not only to himself, but to his family and friends as well. You are allowing yourself to become the emotional victim of his actions.

This is the hard part . . . . Don't allow yourself to go down the road of fault and blame, it will only lead you to greater hurt. If anything, you should feel anger or pity that he would do this to you and others. Suicide is the ultimate selfish act. Had he cared about others, he wouldn't have done this to them. Therefore, it is OK for you to simply walk away from this mentally.

He wanted to end it. Then let it end.

Take care honey. You have a big support net.

-Dusty

[Mousey Girl]

Re: I lost someone

((hugs))

[PirateMickey]

Re: I lost someone

Now that you know that it ISN'T your fault, you need to walk away from the hurt. We all make decisions in life and as cold as it is for me to say so, he made a very bad one. The easy way out for only one person. What he did was hurtful not only to himself, but to his family and friends as well. You are allowing yourself to become the emotional victim of his actions.

This is the hard part . . . . Don't allow yourself to go down the road of fault and blame, it will only lead you to greater hurt. If anything, you should feel anger or pity that he would do this to you and others. Suicide is the ultimate selfish act. Had he cared about others, he wouldn't have done this to them. Therefore, it is OK for you to simply walk away from this mentally.

He wanted to end it. Then let it end.

Take care honey. You have a big support net.

-Dusty

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss.

Unfortunately, I have had to notify too many loved ones of a suicide.

Dusty's words are the best that I have seen (and I'm not talking about the ones posted here on this thread, they're all GREAT too).

I wish that I could have used some of them in the past. I've given basically the same info, but not in such a caring manner.

You've got plenty of support here. Rely on it if you need to.

Take care...

[Druggas]

Re: I lost someone

Your ex did a very selfish thing. He may have ended his problems, but he created new ones for everyone that cared for him. If anything, you should be mad at him.

My brother-inlaw did the exact same thing to us. I have never forgiven him for that.

Sorry if my words seem cruel, but it's the way I see it.

Good luck.

[frecky]

Re: I lost someone

Im so sorry. It is NOT your fault though. He made this decision purely on his own.
*hugs*

[Mouse princess]

Re: I lost someone

Sorry for you loss. I have nothing to add than what has already been said, just to let you know we are all there for you if you need to vent and let it out. Don't keep anything inside.

[barfownz]

Re: I lost someone

Woah. I'm sorry that happened.

[Sully]

Re: I lost someone

I very sorry to hear you are going through this right now. Even though you are new to the area you are far from alone. PM anyone in this thread (including myself) and I'm sure they'd be there for you to talk to.

I lost a close friend to suicide a few years ago and felt guilty and that I had somehow contributed to his feelings of hopelessness or should known enough to prevent it.

This was a decision your ex made for whatever reasons he himself had. The effect it has on his friends and family only shows what a selfish or uncontrolled (by mental impairment) act it was.

It is tragic for all involved but goes to show how precious life is. Take some time to process this and your feelings for him and what happened. Talk to people and if you keep a journal write out your thoughts and feelings.

This event will have a lasting effect on you, it is up to you what that is.

[Pacha]

Re: I lost someone

Sorry for your loss! I can understand how going through something like this must hurt. Time, support from others and your own strength will heal your wounds.

Above all, like Dusty, and others, have said, it was his choice, not yours, so don't blame yourself!

Hang in there and many :ghug: to you!

[SusieP.]

Re: I lost someone

:squeeze: He was sick, honey. This is not your fault. You didn't fail, he did. Take care of you as you ride the roller coaster of emotions that goes along with this terrible event.