Disconnected - from friends

[Olympicnut]

Do you ever feel this way?

Seems like lately I've been feeling this way. I dunno if it's me because I've been busy with a new b.f., or if it's them because they are just super busy with their own lives, or if it's a combo of the two.

Or maybe the friendships we once had have simply begun to fade. It happens thats for sure. But it seems like no matter how hard I try to keep in touch with some people, the reply they give is either non committal or non existant.

Mostly it's a quick email saying "hey how are you, how are things going", just to let them know I am still thinking of them, and if I get a "I'm doing great" email back, I'm lucky! Sometimes it's nothing!!

It's just funny that you can go from talking or emailing all the time about all sorts of intimate details in each others lives, to barely knowing anything at all! And it's not for lack of trying that's for sure. Makes me wonder if they are worth even having in my life, you know? -I- think they are, but maybe they dont

So what do YOU do in situations like this? Leave it be? Keep trying? Give up?

[Disney Wrassler]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

I eventually give up on those freindships because life goes on. But who knows, maybe you all just need a break from each other for awhile.

[Hakuna Makarla]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

hey at least you got the boy friend people get buisy, but in the end they are there for you. if not there friendship was not good. and again at least you got the boyfriend

[Joshrzmeup]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

O-nut, I know exactly how you feel. My friends live on the other side of the US from me, and with the 3 hour time difference, it's hard to even find the time to call them for a minute or two.

With school, life and work, we never have time to really talk at all. A myspace comment here and there to say "Hi" and that's about it. We promised each other before I moved that we wouldn't let that be us, friends who let other things get in the way of our friendship, but it's happening. I don't want to lose my friends, my friends are all I have.
One friend I haven't seen since 2002, the other I saw last year, but I think that was the most we've talked since I moved. I do my best to send e-mail to them, updating them on life, wishing them well in life and school and everything else, and I guess sometimes, it's all you can do.

It's also sad when your brother knows more about what's going on with your best friend than you do.

[ladyalmalthea]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

I have friendship that's getting hard to keep in touch with- he's got a 4 year old that he overprotects, and they do everything together.
She came out with another buddy for an oil change, and only stayed out as long as it took for my hubby to give her her free one he's been doing ever since she git her mustang.
When we went to dinner at their house, the boysd yacked, I kind of just stared at her.
We've lost our connection, and it hurts cause we're both trying to keep our friendship, but she puts so much effort into her fiance-to-be (talked like that ever since they moved in together, two months after they started dating and they started dating a month after he broke up with the mom of the kid) that she is neglecting some friends.
It hurts because it was always the three of us, and now, its turning into the two of us... and I don't have many friends, so who I have is very dear.

Anyway, back to topic.
I understand what you're going through. If they aren't really keeping in touch, then it s time to get new ones. And thats OK. you're noit a failure, neither are they. People change and stuff. Explore your interests, or try new ones. You're worth it to find some commited friends.

[StitchTT6]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

It's been like that alot with me to darlin! All my friends got married & had kids...left me basicly alone! I had ("Him") for 9 months and that's gone now too!
I got you & all my friends here on the forums & Lorraine....that's really
all I got left!!!!

[SusieP.]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

My verybestfriend moved to Hong Kong and that 15 hour time difference is killing me. It's impossible to connect with her lately. She is either working a ton or traveling on the weekends with her husband. I have an 8 year old, so my evenings are booked, and that would be the time she is available for emails or chatting. They don't have kids and she can't understand why I can't just take off and come visit for a week! It's really hard right now.

[Trekkie Dad]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

It's been over 2 years since I last saw the sister I grew up with, but that's ok. We'll get together probably within the next year.

That reminds me--I need to call a couple of people tonight.

I have some very old friends (from college days, mostly) that I rarely see. Our lives have headed in radically different directions. But every now and then we manage to reconnect and get caught up--at least for a short time.

[Melonballer]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

After I quit the job I had for 4 years it became hard to contact some of the people I worked with. When you don't have the ease of that day to day, face to face workplace to help sometimes it can be hard to get in touch with others. Sometimes people go their separate ways. Sometimes they meet up again and its like they were never apart. With todays technology it is relatively easy to at least send the occasional email and let them know you are still thinking of them. In this day and age everyone is just so busy, so getting together can be hard, but when you do get together it makes it that much more special.

[Witches of Morva]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

ORDDU: Sometimes I go through this same experience with my sisters--

ORGOCH: --somtimes ya don't go through it often 'nuff!!! Ta tell ya the truth, I'd trade my best broom fer two new sisters that ain't always embarrassin' the @#$%^ outta me!

ORDDU: (Ahem!) But, seriously, Olympicnut, duckling; what you're describing back there is very common. A person sometimes has to take a bit more initiative to make sure the one's he's losing touch with have a good reason for backing away. I always say TALK to them and ask probing questions--if necessary.

ORWEN: But, first, why don't you have a little party for the purpose of re-establishing yourself with the friends you're drifting away from? If you do what I always do, have plenty of boxes of Krispy Kremes on hand. That really keeps them coming back for more!

ORGOCH: Good Lord, Orwen!! Last time ya went 'n tried that, ya bureid all yer dang friends under a mountain a donut crumbs ta the point where--ta this very day--they ain't been seen er heard from since!! Bet ya went an' ate 'em up, didn't ya?!

ORWEN: I did nothing of the sort, old biddy!! More than likely you went and turned them into FROGS and ate them yourself!!

ORDDU: (sigh) As you can see, Olympicnut, duckling--there are times when drifting away from certain former associations can actually be a blessing in disguise. But--before you conclude any such thing in regard to your particular situation--be sure and take the time to examine all the possibilities, first. Truly good friends are hard to find. And when you DO find one, you have to work hard to maintain that friendship for the rest of your life. But it IS worth it. Hugs and kisses to you from all of us in Morva, dear.

[LuvsLilo]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

I've had a few friendships fade away because I was tired of putting in all the effort while they did nothing. It was hard but that's life.

The friends I still keep in touch with regularly mean the world to me. We don't get to see each other as often as we used to but we try to get together every once in a while.

[Disneykat]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

I need to be better about keeping in touch with my best friend. She just moved to Washibngton about 2 weeks before I moved here.

i know how you feel Onut and it's so sad. I feel like HELLO!!! Are we still friends or what? I know for me, right now, it's the distance, but I don;t wanna loose friends over that. <sigh>

[stinkerbell]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

Ugh, I'm horrible at keeping in touch, no matter how close or far people are. If someone is worse at it than me, then we don't keep in touch at all. Doesn't mean we don't love each other, we're both just too flaky to feed the friendship.

My closest friend the last few years has been awesome for me. If she doesn't hear from me every few days, she'll pop over with a cup of coffee. She makes sure I'm always in the loop and keeps those invites coming.

I'm a better person and friend thanks to her. She's been a lifesaver the last six months, when I withdrew after the auction and my daughters and I were so sick in the spring. Then with my grandma's heart attacks and my cousin dying....she made sure I stayed okay.

I'm juuuust about ready to get back to my normal life, thanks to her. It's been an odd year.

[alphabassetgrrl]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

Some friendships just need a nudge. Some drift away.

Try to keep in touch, but if they don't reply, it might be time to let them drift away. Maybe they'll figure it out and reply to you.

Then again, some people are just bad at communicating. My friend ran into a guy we knew in high school who wanted to get in touch with me, so she gave him my info. I know he won't do it, though the thought is nice.

You're not alone in feeling disconnected.

[Disneykat]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

Yes, I've nudged one friend about 3 times. I think it's time to say good-bye to the friendship.

[SusieP.]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

Yes, I've nudged one friend about 3 times. I think it's time to say good-bye to the friendship.

It's not me, is it?

[Jennidisneyfer]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

When I haven't talked to my HS buddies in a year or two, I know it's still not over. We send each other change of address forms, birth announcements, Christmas cards, but we never talk on the phone anymore. I love the memories I have of them and us though so it's ok

[Olympicnut]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

There goes SP thinkin' its ALL about her again :lmao:

[Jennidisneyfer]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

(It's SO her. Shh, don't tell!)

[Morrigoon]

Re: Disconnected - from friends

That will happen when you find yourself in a committed relationship. All of a sudden it's not just your own needs and schedule which you must be concerned with, but also that of another. And things on your list are not always on your significant other's, so you compromise. Things are not as they were before, you are now part of a 2-person unit, not just a single person answering only to themself.

Also, time with people in your life can tend to be cyclical. Sometimes everyone just gets busy with life and so the failure to connect is not exclusively yours or their, but rather a mutual inability to quite get to the same place at the same time, either physically or mentally. But eventually things calm down, people miss what they had in their lives, and the reconnect. Or not. Whatever's meant to be.

But if you find yourself feeling disconnected, take the initiative to correct it. (which it seems you are) And try not to take it personally if it doesn't always work, because sometimes people just get busy.

Figure out how much of a priority certain things, events, or people are in your life, and then act on it. That is, act upon your prioritizing. If you have decided one thing is a higher priority than another, make sure that if you have to choose, you choose the one you already designated as more important. But also remember that something being higher on your list does not mean that you do it to the exclusion of the other. Find your balance. Think of priority as percentages of time in your schedule or your mind.

Sometimes we pursue one goal the the exclusion of others. Sometimes we should. And sometimes we get to a point where it's time to bring back balance to our lives.