RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

[Disneyphile]

Hi everyone,

Flustered with wedding stuff, I've experienced a problem with RSVPs. So, I'm trying to determine if they're really an important part of invitations anymore, or not a big deal, and that everyone invited should be counted as attending?

What are your thoughts on this?

[frecky]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

I thought they were used more for the reception. So you know how many people will be eating and whatnot.

[Disneyphile]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

I thought they were used more for the reception. So you know how many people will be eating and whatnot.

Ours is for both.

[frecky]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

Ok, I know from my own wedding, the RSVPs were important cause we needed to know how many people we had to pay for for the reception. So, in that sense, yes they are important. If you're getting married somewhere that you are concerned about the capacity level at (like they only allow 40 and you have that or more) then yes.
Did that make sense?

[Disney Wrassler]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

I thought they were used more for the reception. So you know how many people will be eating and whatnot.

I agree. People normally send out invitations for weddings to people they want to attend and they usually do not send out more than the seating capacity the place offers.

RSVPs are for receptions so you can make sure there is enough food, drinks, etc. for everyone.

Weddings, you just send out invitations and see who shows up.

[Barbaraann]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

Whenever I have a party, I ask people to only RSVP, when they are not attending. I include my phone number. People can always drop someone a note, if they don't want to call. I just think that it is polite to let people know, when you are not coming. Otherwise, I assume they are. Most people are fine with this. Of course, then you have the occasional few who just don't show up, and don't call. It's just the way people are.

[Disney Wrassler]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

Ours is for both.

Ok, I know from my own wedding, the RSVPs were important cause we needed to know how many people we had to pay for for the reception. So, in that sense, yes they are important. If you're getting married somewhere that you are concerned about the capacity level at (like they only allow 40 and you have that or more) then yes.
Did that make sense?

Oh okay, yeah I agree with Frecky then .

I wish you the best DP .

[Loomis]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

Yes, I was invited recently and it was very important for the people to know exactly how many people were coming by a certain date.

Often, if you expect a certain number and book for that, and someone doesn't turn up, you may still get stuck with the bill. RSVPs for at least a few weeks before the Big Date are definitely a good idea.

[frecky]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

Often, if you expect a certain number and book for that, and someone doesn't turn up, you may still get stuck with the bill. RSVPs for at least a few weeks before the Big Date are definitely a good idea.

Yep. This happened with us. Lets say I was not a happy bride when people who RSVP'd didnt show.

[Chernabog]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

It is HORRIBLY rude to not RSVP for a wedding.

And unless you come down with the uncontrollable hershey squirts or other true emergency, it is HORRIBLY rude to RSVP and then not show up. (And even then you need to call and offer your profuse apologies before not showing up).

I don't know, perhaps sometimes people have a "just in case they forgot to RSVP" table at the wedding?

Honestly, the people that didn't RSVP -- maybe I'd make one attempt to contact them, and if no response then, then I'd count them out.

But yes, it is rude to not RSVP for anything, let alone a wedding.

[migo]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

Very important to have RSVP's coming in. And even after that, make sure you book another 20 or so meals for those who bring unwanted guests or show up without RSVP'ing.

[Olympicnut]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

Yes, RSVP. Whether its a yes or no, it's only polite to let the people know if you are going to be there or not. And hello! The return envelope is usually always postmarked! How difficult is it to mark up the RSVP and send it back!

One of the things I hate most about having a party is not having people let me know if they are coming or not. So am I to assume that if they didnt RSVP then they are not coming? Thats what I assume. Then 9 times out of 10 POOF they show up. Irritating!

[IndianaJenn]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

DP - I think if you went through all the trouble to think of them, send them an invitiation, and invite them to your wedding, the LEAST they can do is respond. I'm sure you have attendance numbers you have to supply to the venue and caterers, etc. You're probably also so busy it's hard for you to follow up with everyone.

[Doofy]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

My wife and I got married in Florida 1000 miles from her family and 2500 from mine. If we hadn't had RSVP's we could have either assumed that 100 people or 2 people were coming. It gave us a great idea on what to book.

[SusieP.]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

For weddings, absolutely! Especially these days when the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, it is so rude to not RSVP, RSVP and not show, or not RSVP and then show anyway. So not considerate when food or any kind of "per person" thing is going on.

For other events, I usually ask for "regrets only", and that's when you can assume that if you haven't heard, that guest WILL be attending. It makes a simdgen less work for those attending.

[dsnylndmom]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

Yes it is very important. And some people :blush: are buttheads :blush:

[Spidergrrrl]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

RSVPs are an absolute necessity, esp. if your guest list is rather large. The people on our wedding guest list were pretty good with their responses for the most part, although we did have to pester a few people to let us know whether or not they were coming. We did have one person who couldn't make it, but that was understandable - her father unfortunately passed away a week before the wedding.

And no, you can't assume that people who are invited are coming. The general rule of thumb is that 85% of your invitees will attend, but that is VERY general.

That being said, there is usually always someone who doesn't come after saying they will, or someone who decides to crash your party. When we made our seating chart, we worked in a couple of empty seats into some of the tables to accomodate this, and things evened out pretty well.

[RetroMousie]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

I would say you need to include RSVPs, but be prepared for EVERY version of response. The non response, the yes when it really means no, the no when it really means yes, and my personal favorite the yes but can we bring an extra person then you say okay and then none of them show up!!!! We had two of these at my daughter's wedding!!!! Do people not realize how rude they are? Nope, both of these people couldn't understand why I was peeved with them. Wow, it's been six+ years and it still makes my blood boil. But try to prepare yourself for a little chaos and don't let it ruin your day.

[MAXandBELLESmom]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

RSVP's are a must for a wedding. for mine, the place had a policy by one week prior you had to give them the number of guests, no matter what you have to pay for that #. i had to make some phone calls but most of the people rsvp'd and the ones who didnt who i couldnt get ahold of i took as a no. for mine if they had shown up after not rsvp'ing they woudnt have gotten in since it was on a military base shortly after 9/11. they had a list and everyone had to show id.

[SusieP.]

Re: RSVPs - An Etiquette Poll

What about kids' birthday parties, where you invite the one friend and then the mom shows up with 3 other siblings? What do you guys think about that? It's not so bad when it's just an at-home kind of party, but when it's a pay-per-kid situation, that is just not cool.