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Actual Epitaphs

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  • Actual Epitaphs

    These are actual epitaphs found in cemeteries:

    FOUND ON HEADSTONES
    ************ ********* ********* ********* ******
    Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
    Born 1903-Died 1942
    Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
    car was on the way down. It was.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* ******
    In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
    Here lies an Atheist
    All dressed up
    And no place to go.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    In a London, England cemetery:
    Here lies Ann Mann,
    Who lived an old maid
    But died an old Mann.
    Dec. 8, 1767
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
    Anna Wallace:
    The children of Israel wanted bread,
    And the Lord sent them manna.
    Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
    And the Devil sent him Anna.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
    Here lies Johnny Yeast.
    Pardon me
    For not rising.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
    Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
    Stepped on the gas
    Instead of the brake
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
    Here lays The Kid.
    We planted him raw.
    He was quick on the trigger
    But slow on the draw.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    A lawyer's epitaph in England:
    Sir John Strange.
    Here lies an honest lawyer,
    And that is Strange.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    John Penny's epitaph in Wimborne, England, cemetery:
    Reader, if cash thou art
    In want of any,
    Dig 6 feet deep;
    And thou wilt find a Penny.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
    On the 22nd of June,
    Jonathan Fiddle
    Went out of tune.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont
    Here lies the body of our Anna -
    Done to death by a banana.
    It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
    But the skin of the thing that made her go
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
    Under the sod and under the trees,
    Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
    He is not here, there's only the pod.
    Pease shelled out and went to God
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    In a cemetery in England:
    Remember man, as you walk by,
    As you are now, so once was I.
    As I am now, you soon will be.
    Prepare yourself and follow me.

    To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
    To follow you I'll not consent
    Until I know which way you went
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *******
    Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:
    Here lies Lester Moore
    One slug from a 44
    No Les
    No More


    Mark

    Contribute to my Johari or start your own!!
    http://kevan.org/johari?view=MarkS01



  • #2
    Re: Actual Epitaphs

    Those were funny. We need more of that here.
    sigpic

    This has been a Filmways presentation dahling.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Actual Epitaphs

      Thanks for the giggle!
      Mom, remember, it's not what a person is like on the outside that counts,
      it's what they are like in their HEART!


      - Wolfette

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Actual Epitaphs

        These can't be real.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Actual Epitaphs

          In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
          Anna Wallace:
          The children of Israel wanted bread,
          And the Lord sent them manna.
          Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
          And the Devil sent him Anna.



          way to funny!!! I loved reading these !!!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Actual Epitaphs

            Here are a couple more good ones:

            In a cemetery in Vermont:

            Sacred to the memory of
            My husband
            John Barnes
            Who died January 3, 1803.
            His comely young widow, aged 23,
            has many qualifications of a good wife,
            and yearns to be comforted.


            in England somewhere:

            Jedediah Goodwin
            Auctioneer
            Born 1828
            Going!
            Going!!
            Gone!!!
            1876

            Comment

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