The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

[knittingknerd]

Here's my question:

With all the step-siblings, step-mothers, step-dads, and then the whole marrying in and out such... at what point do you call the person your brother, you dad, your aunt?

My family, dad's and mom's side, has had a lot of marrying in and out. I have step cousins, step uncles, step aunts, ex-aunts.... etc. My aunt married a guy when I was 6, with two boys. I still call my cousins from that my step cousins and their dad my step uncle. My uncle married a woman last year, I still call his first wife my aunt and his new wife step-aunt. But I like the new wife way better (she's nice! She doesn't look at me like I am a wild child!). Here's the weird thing my dad's sister married the man I call my "step-uncle" the same year as my mom's brother married a woman that I call my aunt. Second marriages for both and I like my step-uncle more than my mom's brother's wife (she's a mean drunk and tells everyone that she's Mexican and when she's drunk she starts to slur her words and tells us that she wasn't accepted into the family because of her ethnicity.).

Anyone else have this issue? I can't be the only one.

[SCUBAbe]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

I don't know. I'm the only one who has been divorced in my family. I'm such the talk of the family.

[Hakuna Makarla]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

I don't know. I'm the only one who has been divorced in my family. I'm such the talk of the family.

same here :lol:
I say if your close to the kin call them kin, if not call them family :lol:

[QuietViolet]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

Well for me it's kind of sad. I grew up calling my aunts husband my uncle and loving him like an uncle, and I grew up calling my uncles wife an aunt and loving her like an aunt. In the span of about 4 years (my jr.high/highvschool years) my aunt divorced her husband, my uncle divorced his wife, and my parents divorced. I feel almost like I lost an aunt and uncle because I grew up with them and now I never see them anymore because they dont come to family things.... and its the same with my cousins and my dad. My dad grew up the uncle to all these kids that he doesn't see anymore because of divorce.. kinda sucks really...
My mom and aunt are still single so I dont worry about that, but my uncle is remarried. I just call her by her first name, but I dont really think I'll ever see her as an aunt...

[Duck44]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

I wish my family reunions turned into speed dating.

[CrystalCastle]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

Before I was born my aunt divorced and later married my uncle. Her two daughters (my cousins) always called him by his first name even though he raised them since they were babies and their dad had no relationship with them. I never called him my step uncle. He's just my uncle Herbie and I love him to pieces.

Now that I'm grown I'm the only one in a "step" situation. I'm a stepmom. My stepson just calls me mom though and refers to his half brothers as his brothers. His decision, not mine. I guess it's whatever you feel comfortable with.

[HDAlien]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

I have step children but I have never referred to them that way. I feel that if you love someone enough to marry them and that you inherit children in the process then they are your children. Just my $0.02.

[sunnygirl]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

My mom was married twice after she divorced my father. My dad is also remarried, as is my ex-stepdad. Things get very convoluted when trying to introduce everyone at family gatherings (which rarely occur). I introduce my mom's current husband as my stepdad. His son, I've always intoduced as my brother. It gets confusing, but usually I end up explaining a brief family history and that's it. More often than not, I introduce family members by name, rather than title.

[garbear]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

I have 4 aunts on my moms side and my mom and her sister have one dad, and my other 2 aunts have another dad. They all have the same mom. I don't even consider them step aunts or anything. I'm actually alot closer to them than my aunt who has the same dad as my mom.

[Anders]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

My mom was married twice after she divorced my father. My dad is also remarried, as is my ex-stepdad. Things get very convoluted when trying to introduce everyone at family gatherings (which rarely occur). I introduce my mom's current husband as my stepdad. His son, I've always intoduced as my brother. It gets confusing, but usually I end up explaining a brief family history and that's it. More often than not, I introduce family members by name, rather than title.

I'm joining this family and I barely know how everyone is related, I just use first names.

Since I'm marrying someone with a daughter, I'm for the time being at least referring to her as a stepdaughter. She has a dad that was around long before me, and so out of respect, I'll refer to her as my stepdaughter, but raise her as a daughter. If we have children of our own, I will refer to her and any kids we have as our kids, I'm not going to single one out.

My parents are divorced as well, my dad remarried, but while my mom choose just not to get married again I refer to the man she lives with as my stepdad and my dad's wife as my stepmom.

[knittingknerd]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

Yeah for some reason in my family everyone has the same name. Dad side everyone (except my uncles) is Bill. I think we have 4 Bills (my brother being one of those, Grandpa, and step-uncle). Mom's side it's Robert and Richard. I think we have 4 Roberts as first names and my brother has Robert in his middle name. And I have Megan on both sides, and Briget by two siblings. Oh and every girl on my mom's side is a "Lynn" sans my sister. I am Kimberly Lynn. So when you're introducing it's "That's Bill, Bill, Bill, Bob, Little Bobby (who's not little and a jerk), Rovvy (his name is Trevor, Little Bob's son, and Trevor is Robert spelled backwards with a V not a B so we got mean.), Richard, Richie, and then Jolyn, Jo, cousin Jo, and Nana was Jo..." It gets confusing! And on my dad's side everyone is tall so you can't say "Bill is the tall one!" or "Bob is the redhead!" (lots of redheads).

Basically here's my question/ thought/ ponderings:
Do you ever drop that step-title? And when? I know for certain people I keep the step part to make it feel like they're father from me than they are. Like my step cousin, is an idiot. He's been part of my family for nearing 20 years. He's still step! But like my uncle's 2nd wife (the new one into the family), I love her! She's awesome! She's so nice! And I caught myself about 6 months ago saying something like "So I am knitting Lisa,my aunt, a hat..." and I backtracked and said "Step aunt!"

Babbling sorry.

[garbear]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

Yeah for some reason in my family everyone has the same name. Dad side everyone (except my uncles) is Bill. I think we have 4 Bills (my brother being one of those, Grandpa, and step-uncle). Mom's side it's Robert and Richard. I think we have 4 Roberts as first names and my brother has Robert in his middle name. And I have Megan on both sides, and Briget by two siblings. Oh and every girl on my mom's side is a "Lynn" sans my sister. I am Kimberly Lynn. So when you're introducing it's "That's Bill, Bill, Bill, Bob, Little Bobby (who's not little and a jerk), Rovvy (his name is Trevor, Little Bob's son, and Trevor is Robert spelled backwards with a V not a B so we got mean.), Richard, Richie, and then Jolyn, Jo, cousin Jo, and Nana was Jo..." It gets confusing! And on my dad's side everyone is tall so you can't say "Bill is the tall one!" or "Bob is the redhead!" (lots of redheads).

Basically here's my question/ thought/ ponderings:
Do you ever drop that step-title? And when? I know for certain people I keep the step part to make it feel like they're father from me than they are. Like my step cousin, is an idiot. He's been part of my family for nearing 20 years. He's still step! But like my uncle's 2nd wife (the new one into the family), I love her! She's awesome! She's so nice! And I caught myself about 6 months ago saying something like "So I am knitting Lisa,my aunt, a hat..." and I backtracked and said "Step aunt!"

Babbling sorry.

I think if you really close to the person whose your step aunt, or cousin, or whatever they are to you. You should drop the title if you really close to that person. Otherwise they can stay Step

[MollyTrolly]

Re: The "All American family"/Step families and all the drama!

I am adopted so no one in my family is related to me by blood, I have however the following family, all of whom I love and therefore choose to call family (Aunt, Uncle, etc), I do not consider any of them half, step etc, people can divorce on paper but that doesnt change my relationship with them nor their title. If an uncle remarries I get a new aunt...then I have two.

I have, 1 brother from my fathers first marriage, 2 sisters and a brother from my fathers 2nd marriage, 1 sister from my mother / father before I was born / adopted, 3 brothers from my mothers 3rd marriage (her new husbands kids from a previous marriage, this is a man that I also conside my Dad as he raised me for a great portion of my life after my father passes away)
1 brother and 1 sister from my mothers 5th marriage (her new husbands kids from a previous marriage). There are other children from other (Moms 4th and 6th) marriages that I never met or spent enough time with to consider siblings step or otherwise.

From there I have my moms and dads siblings and their partners whom are all aunts and uncles (and kids which are my cousins) are all just that regardless of divorces, deaths, remarriages etc.

In addition, I have had three sets of grandparents plus an extra grandma (my Moms parents, my dads parents and his step mom after his mom died, and my Moms 3rd husbands parents)...all of whom are passed at this point with the exception of the extra grandma.

I also have my husbands parents whom I call Mom and Dad

Now to get technical I also have another set of parents (birth Mom and Dad) although I have no idea who or where they are and potentially there are additional grandparents, aunts and uncles siblings, nieces and neiphews.

I don't really believe in step, half etc, maybe its because all of the family I have is some mix of paperwork that originally made them my family to begin with. Family is family regardless of the legal ties, a title is earned by love and a personal relationship with that person.