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A Woman's Version of The Night Before Christmas


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  • A Woman's Version of The Night Before Christmas

    A Woman's Version of T'was The Night Before Christmas

    T'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
    I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
    I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
    This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
    Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
    They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need?!

    My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
    The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
    There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
    frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.

    Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
    my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
    I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
    Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.

    He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
    then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
    He looks all around and with total regret,
    says, "What's taking so long ... aren't you through in here yet?"

    As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
    He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
    He flees from the room in terror and pain
    and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"

    Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
    Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
    I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
    but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.

    What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
    If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
    Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
    It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.

    But I promise you one thing, If I live 'till next year,
    You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
    I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
    and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!

    Merry Christmas!!!

  • #2
    Re: A Woman's Version of The Night Before Christmas


    Makes me wanna call my favorite restaurant and make a reservation instead of cooking!


    • #3
      Re: A Woman's Version of The Night Before Christmas


      I'm so glad I don't cook very often and you can guarantee if we are going to be feeding 30 people,my honey AND children will be in there helping.


      • #4
        Re: A Woman's Version of The Night Before Christmas

        I just e-mailed that to all my girlfriends who still are not on MC, hope noone hurts their husband too bad this year.

        thanks for the laugh, that is great.



        • #5
          Re: A Woman's Version of The Night Before Christmas

          I gave up cooking on the Christmas holiday years ago. I have 2 Holiday parties. The first is my side of the family party. The other is my husband's side of the family party and that is always on Christmas Eve. We order out for food. The most I do is munchies. Chip and dip. Cut up veggies, maybe. It is always store bought desert. That way you can hang out with your guests. I hang out in the kitchen, but my guests are in there with me. We are laughing, and munching, and remembering, and taking pictures, and counting down the moments until the presents are opened.


          • #6
            Re: A Woman's Version of The Night Before Christmas


            Luckily all that come to my house on Xmas Eve bring food so all I have to make is my ziti and a chicken


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