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Marriage - Funny Stories

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  • Marriage - Funny Stories

    *She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. *
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.*
    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she
    fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
    "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, *
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    * * * I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, *
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.

    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, *
    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, *
    "It is essential that husbands
    and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
    He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and *whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

    * * * *A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. *
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. *
    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down the c correct aisle. *
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
    balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    * * She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
    He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, *
    I sent *my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
    and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
    papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    * * *So, I figure if I have to roll my own does she.
    ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. *
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position. *
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, *
    the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
    *W O R D S *
    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
    women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"*
    * *A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be *
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain." *
    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
    A man and his wife were having an argument about who
    should brew the coffee each morning.
    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
    The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around
    here and *
    you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible *
    that the man should do the coffee." *Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament *
    and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..."HEBREWS"
    *The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
    other the silent treatment. *Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
    he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. *
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
    and he had missed his flight. *Furious, he was about to go and
    see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper
    the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
    *God may have created man before woman, *
    but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

  • #2
    Re: Marriage - Funny Stories

    Those were funny...

    Our pastor shared this one this morning:

    A couple who were empty-nesters decided to start doing more things together to get to know each other again. They start with grocery shopping. The man reaches for some cookies. His wife slaps his hand and tells him "no, put those back." The next aisle the man reaches for ice cream. His wife slaps his hand and tells him "No, put that back." The next aisle the man puts some soda in the cart. His wife slaps his hand and tells him, "No, you cannot have that. Put it back." The man get tired of being told no and tells his wife he is going to go wait in the car. Then he climbs out of the grocery cart... LOL