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Ladies (and the odd gentleman :D) what would you do? (If anything!)


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  • Ladies (and the odd gentleman :D) what would you do? (If anything!)

    Alright, here's a little background. I've been friends with (we'll call him Joe) Joe for about two years now. Over the last two years, we've become really good friends, but not best friends (at least in my eyes). We worked together at once place, now we work together at another place. I know his family very well, they always come into where we work and chat with me for long periods of time.

    Today, while I was at work, a mutual friend (we all work together) pulled me aside and told me that she had to talk to me. Apparently, Joe was lamenting how he is in love with someone, but he can't do anything about it. When pressed, he told our mutual friend that it was his best friend. When pressed, he explained it was me. Now, first of all, it's news to me that he considers me his best friend, let alone that he's in love with me. I'm married and even if I wasn't married, he's not my type at all. The thought that she's lying has occurred to me - but I really don't think she'd lie about something like this and it kind of explains his behavior lately. Our mutual friend wanted to tell me, because she thought that I needed to know how he felt (especially if he's telling people behind my back - that means he might come talk to me about it).

    I'm not really sure what to do or say at this point, or if I should even do or say anything. I'm flattered, but I mean, it's weird. I know I'm a bit of a flirt, but come on, I'm that way with everyone (I don't discriminate! ), so I doubt it's that... He knows nothing will ever happen, so I'm not worried about him pulling moves on me, but it's really weird working with him now.

    Anyone ever had this happen to them? Come on, give me your words of wisdom!

  • #2
    This is a hard one. I'm not sure you should say anything, since it didn't come from him. But, maybe you should kind of back off a little as far as your friendship goes. Even if you have no feelings for him and are not attracted to him, I would think having a close friend who is in love with you could potentially cause friction in a marriage. I know it would in mine. If his feelings start to become more obvious, then I think stating the boundaries out loud would be neccessary, but if he can keep his cool and act normal, then I would just kind of just lay low with him, and back off the friendship a bit until he moves on.

    I really have no idea what the right thing to do is, I just think this is what I would do if it were me. Some people might be more confrontational than me and say something to the guy, but I generally do whatever I can to avoid that kind of thing.
    �In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.� -Michael Jackson


    • #3
      Great, it's my own story from the other point of view (only without the married part). I can tell you that acting on it didn't work out so well for me, although I realize things are a lot different in your case what with being married and all. Plus in my story I was in the guy's role.

      So I realize that was no use whatsoever. Sorry


      • #4
        Well, Meg, I kinda agree with Tink. I would just be very careful how you are with him from now on. I am the same way as far as flirting goes- to me its just me being friendly, but guys interpret it as flirting when it isn't. Definitely don't confront him about it because that will just embarrass him, but just watch what you say, and do, etc. Don't do anything that would encourage him. This kind of thing sucks! Hopefully you will be able to keep him as a friend!
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        • #5
          I also have to agree with Tink and DQ, I too would back off the friendship for a while.

          avoid personal (flirty) comments (and yes apparently I am a natural flirt too, according to my DH).
          and maybe avoid the akward moments, by not giving him a moment alone with you, even at work, if that's possable.

          Personaly I would also start working comments (positive) about your husband into the conversations.

          but like the others said lay low on the friendship for a while.

          (yes I do speak from experience,my situation was very similar to yours, and I did lose the friend, but not the relationship with my husband. As Tink said that can get very uncomfortable even if you have no romantic intrest in this friend, it adds a tension that no marriage needs)
          just my opinion
          hope this helps


          • #6
            Instead of pulling away from him which will seriously hurt him, talk to him more. Talk about you ane your husband. Tell him how great a relationship you have. Let him know that you are committed. Of course you are going to do this in a normal conversation. Most importantly, never bad mouth your husband to him or anyone else he works with or knows. Let him dream and introduce him to some of your female friends.
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