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  • Man Problems....

    Okay I need some good advice.......
    Well, most of you know I am not with my sons father, its been 1 year now.
    Yesterday I got this call totally out of the blue from him. We started talking about our lives and then he asked me, would you ever marry me? I totally thought he was kidding. I asked him what about your pregnant girlfriend. He said he wants to marry me get rid of her and finish were we left off from. But he wants freedom on the weekends to go out with girls, and what not. (hooking up) and then he says I have to wait until he out grows it, while we are married. I know most of you think this man is crazy, but I'm in love with this crazy man and we have a family together. We have always wanted Chris to have his mommy and daddy together, but is it worth it? I have so much pain that he has caused me, but why do I still love this person? He never sees his son, but I know he loves him. He always tells me no one will ever REALLY love me, because I have had a kid and look at what it has done to my body. I'm afraid if I give it another try I will be so happy and then something happens and he throws Chris and I out of our house again, but he says marriage is forever. I think I need a big slap in the face and to stop thinking about it. What do you girls think???

  • #2
    I would say DO NOT GET WITH HIM! He tells you no one will ever really love you to try and knock out your self esteem and think you are not good enough for anyone else but him. If he wants to be married to you but still be able to sleep with whomever he wants, that is NOT a marriage- he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

    Let me tell you, as a very happily married person- it is NOT worth it to be with someone like this- you deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are. If he really loved you, he would try to make you feel good about yourself, not bad. He would not want to hurt you by being unfaithful- he would want to do anything he could to make sure you are happy. You and your son do not deserve anything less than that.

    I am sorry sweetie, but he is NEVER going to change, especially if he has another girl and another baby on the way. There is no reason to beileve that you will not be kicked to the curb when someone better comes along. You deserve better- wait until the right man comes along- you will know who he is because there will bo NO QUESTION in your mind as to whether or not he is the right man for you.
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    • #3
      Sorry, Steph, but it sounds to me like this guy is just no good. What kind of man would tell you that no one else will love you? And don't forget the pregnant girlfriend. Do you need him going back and forth between you and her? You are a beautiful, smart, funny girl with a lot of living to do ahead of you. Don't throw away a bright and promising future with your beautiful son for this loser. You deserve so much more. As a single mother, I acknowledge that it isn't always easy to be in the dating scene, but several times over the past 10 years, I've met good men who have loved and accepted me with all my "baggage", if that's what you want to call it.

      Also, you deserve someone who ONLY wants to be with YOU. Even on weekends.
      Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

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      • #4
        I am with DQ. Sorry- he does not seem like a nice guy. You deserve better and should not settle for anyone, especially for someone who you are a bit concerned may one day throw you out along with HIS child. If a man can do that to his own son, well than in my opinion he is not a man. You say that you know he loves his son even though he never sees him. How do you know that? Because he tells you that? for someone who grew up in an unhappy home, I can tell you it will be better off for your son not to be placed in this situation. it will only lead to heartbrake for you and your child. You should not sell yourself short. You can do much better!
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        • #5
          I'm gonna go ahead and agree with SunnyGirl and DQ here. No one else will really love you? WTF!

          But the thing that REALLy got me, was the whole, him wanting freedom on weekends so he can out grow it, while your married. Do you honestly think its ever going to out grow it?? Tell him he can get it out of his system before you get married, and see what happens
          What an idiot....

          Yeah, I do that Twitter thing.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Tui
            I'm gonna go ahead and agree with SunnyGirl and DQ here. No one else will really love you? WTF!

            But the thing that REALLy got me, was the whole, him wanting freedom on weekends so he can out grow it, while your married. Do you honestly think its ever going to out grow it?? Tell him he can get it out of his system before you get married, and see what happens
            Thats what I was thinking.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Mouse princess
              I am with DQ. Sorry- he does not seem like a nice guy. You deserve better and should not settle for anyone, especially for someone who you are a bit concerned may one day throw you out along with HIS child. If a man can do that to his own son, well than in my opinion he is not a man.
              It happened before in Feb. 2004. I'm still trying to get my stuff back.

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              • #8
                Life is so full of complications and trials, especially when you have a child. Why add to that with a man who is selfish and mean? Enjoy your son and yourself for a while. You two are a family. Also keep in mind that bringing this man into your lives again means that THAT will be your son's role model and male example. Don't you want him to grow up to be a better man than his father?
                Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

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                • #9
                  Well, thanks for all of your advice. I never even thought there was a chance to get back with him, but he put into my head and now I can't stop thinking about it.

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                  • #10
                    *shakes Steph by shoulders* There? Is the thought out of your head yet? :lol:
                    Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by sunnygirl
                      Don't you want him to grow up to be a better man than his father?
                      Yes, more than anything.

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                      • #12
                        Sorry, I'm not a girl, but still feel compelled to respond to this...

                        Any guy who wants to "hook up" on the weekends while being married has no clue what marriage really is and the idea that no one else will ever really love you because you had a kid is pure bull. There are zillions of single parents out there who find love. I know a few!

                        Chris has a LOT of growing up to do and is definitely not ready for marriage! Someday he might be, but definitely not now!

                        As for you, be patient. Judging by your avatar and your attitude, you have a LOT going for you and deserve better.
                        Edit: And your son deserves better too!

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Pacha
                          Sorry, I'm not a girl, but still feel compelled to respond to this...

                          Any guy who wants to "hook up" on the weekends while being married has no clue what marriage really is and the idea that no one else will ever really love you because you had a kid is pure bull. There are zillions of single parents out there who find love. I know a few!

                          Chris has a LOT of growing up to do and is definitely not ready for marriage! Someday he might be, but definitely not now!

                          As for you, be patient. Judging by your avatar and your attitude, you have a LOT going for you and deserve better.

                          :bow: :bow:
                          What an idiot....

                          Yeah, I do that Twitter thing.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Pacha



                            As for you, be patient. Judging by your avatar and your attitude, you have a LOT going for you and deserve better.
                            Edit: And your son deserves better too!
                            Thank you.

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                            • #15
                              I would not trust him Period.

                              If the call is out of the blue, how do you know that it is not to spite the current girlfriend. Or that there is some altierrier motive(s) behind his decision. And he gets to sleep around, putting you at risk. No way.

                              He should want to marry you because he realizes that you are the only woman he will ever love. He should want to be a family 24/7, not when it is convenient for him.

                              I think this is a good wake up call for you to know that you are worth much more than he is offering you. If this is the best he will ever be able to offer you, be glad that you are already out of his life. A man who cannot make time for his children is not much of a man.

                              I hope that you will take the advice you receive here and weigh it with what you feel you need to do in your life. Think about what is best for you and your son. Please know that whatever you decide, we will all be here to listen :love:
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