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  • This is funny!

    This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.



    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

    Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

    For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . .

    Best,
    Wendi Aarons
    Austin , TX

  • #2
    Re: This is funny!

    i love it!

    crazy? sure, but true...oh so true, lol

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    • #3
      Re: This is funny!

      the ones I buy have all this trivia on them, like I just want to sit there and learn and not get "changed" and out of the bathroom????


      Originally Posted by Disney Wrassler
      Tassie, I found a quote for ya :lol:!

      "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."

      Charles M. Schulz
      Originally Posted by MWalton
      :lol: Did the pages take that long to reach around to your part of the world?!? :lol:

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      • #4
        Re: This is funny!

        Dude... so true. I look at that little sentence every month while I feel like I might yack thinking "idiots. Nothing is happy now."

        They do have the plus side pad though. Love it.

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        • #5
          Re: This is funny!

          I like Kotex, they just have flowers.

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          • #6
            Re: This is funny!

            ahahahahahahaha. Too funny!

            You know that slogan was made up by a man. You know it!



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            • #7
              Re: This is funny!

              But of course, it had to have been made up by a guy!! That letter is absolutely funny, but very accurate!!
              :ap: AP Holder. :ap:
              Stay at home mom of 4 - Austin, Tyler, Sierra and Ashlyn.


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              • #8
                Re: This is funny!

                Priceless! :lol:

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                • #9
                  Re: This is funny!

                  Thank god I use Tampax.

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                  • #10
                    Re: This is funny!

                    I think guys came up with the commercials too. A woman would NEVER turn a pad into a roller coaster. What's more....a woman would never buy a pad because it was a roller coaster in a commercial!!!



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                    • #11
                      Re: This is funny!

                      That was hilarious. Only because it is true.
                      Visited DLR 1976,1978,1991,2001,2007, 2011; WDW 1976,1985: DLRP 2010

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                      • #12
                        Re: This is funny!

                        I've had that sent to me many times and it's still so true! You know men write these things, if women wrote for feminine products, there wouldn't be mis-informed commercials about 'cardboard tampons'. Men may not care to know the facts about those things.
                        Press today is so concerned with cool vs. not cool that they're starting to forget good vs. bad. I'm not sure I'll ever be "cool", but I will always tirelessly strive to be "great". - Josh Groban

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                        • #13
                          Re: This is funny!

                          :lmao:! Priceless but so very, very true.

                          Thank GOD i use Tampax.

                          Bionic Village Babe of the RCMC
                          "Wisdom is knowing what you don't know" - Socrates

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                          • #14
                            Re: This is funny!

                            Ha ha ha! That was classic. I wonder if they sent her a free box of pads as a "thank you" for her customer comments.
                            Why do we have to grow up? I know more adults who have the children's approach to life. They're people who don't give a hang what the Joneses do. You see them at Disneyland every time you go there. They are not afraid to be delighted with simple pleasures, and they have a degree of contentment with what life has brought - sometimes it isn't much, either
                            Walt Disney

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                            • #15
                              Re: This is funny!

                              ROFL....ok that made my day....thank you very much....

                              bye the way...I've never seen the roller coaster commercial...and I hope I never do....lol
                              Any day at Disneyland is a Happy Day!!!! :ap:

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