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Food Tips for Men

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  • Food Tips for Men

    This is the ultimate guide to good food eating for bachelors...

    1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
    2. CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
    3. CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
    4. CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
    5. CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
    6. DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
    7. EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
    8. EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
    9. EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
    10. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
    11. FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife. 12. GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).
    13. LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.
    14. MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
    15. MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
    16. POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
    17. RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
    18. SALT: It never spoils.
    19. UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.
    20. GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this.
    <o>

  • #2
    Re: Food Tips for Men

    I love it LOL
    :crazylegs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Food Tips for Men

      That was good!
      Us girls, we're so magical.
      Soft skin, red lips, so kissable.
      Hard to resist, so touchable.
      Too good to deny it.
      Ain't no big deal, it's innocent. :evil:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Food Tips for Men

        How cute, but very good advise!
        Mom, remember, it's not what a person is like on the outside that counts,
        it's what they are like in their HEART!


        - Wolfette

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Food Tips for Men

          i figured most of our lost boys probably don't need the list, but you never know!
          <o>

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Food Tips for Men

            Gee, and I thought men lived on Krispy Kremes and In and Out Burger.

            Or in the case of the younger men...Captain Crunch and Top Ramen!

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Food Tips for Men

              So, by your gauge, everything i ate yesterday was bad, but i like chunky milk!
              And you think im kidding..
              Current DL Entertainment Technical Services

              Former DCA Attractions CM

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Food Tips for Men

                very cute...
                procrastibating

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Food Tips for Men

                  4 words:

                  Jack in the Box
                  Check out my other blog:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Food Tips for Men

                    Mmmmm...bacon ultimate cheeseburger...& tacos (aka grease wallets)
                    But seriously, great food tips...now would any of you women be so kind and unleash that secret receipe for making ice cubes?!?!?!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Food Tips for Men

                      But I like asking, "Is the green stuff turning brown or the brown stuff turning green?" haha

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Food Tips for Men

                        And here I thought that some of us males were good cooks, I guess I better through out my Jerk Chicken dinner huh?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Food Tips for Men

                          I'm pretty bad with food...if it's been in the fridge 3 days it gets thrown out....if the milk is marked with todays date for expiration i don't use it...I don't care if it "smells" ok....LOL

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Food Tips for Men

                            :lol: it was a good list.

                            Dairy usually has three days after it's "sell by date"

                            and $5 Little Caesar pizzas all the way!
                            "Tonight I wash my hands of you
                            You set the bar I could not live up to
                            Tonight the light is breaking through
                            So thank you very little and send me postcards from hell"
                            Zebrahead

                            Comment

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