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Dickens Theme Park to Open


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  • Dickens Theme Park to Open

    Dickens World - Chatham, UK

    Dickens theme park has a twist

    Charles Purcell
    April 20, 2007

    THE consortium behind the proposed theme park Dickens World in Kent attends a meeting of investors. Two faceless executives prepare to address them.
    Executive No. 1: Gentlemen, we're here to present an exciting opportunity in the field of writer-based theme parks. We believe the market is ripe for investment in a park based upon the works of a distinguished 19th-century English author.
    Executive No. 2: We've all seen how the market has dealt with previous efforts with modern writers. Noam Chomsky World was a disaster. Children didn't like being reminded of American neo-imperialism while riding slippery dips.
    No. 1: And John Pilger World. Patrons don't like being told that their indifference is responsible for African genocide when they're on a Ferris wheel.
    No. 2: But with Dickens World we can offer people a nostalgic experience drawn from the memory of one of literature's most beloved authors. The potential is endless. Imagine, if you will, a place completely covered in soot, a land where the magic of David Copperfield comes alive each day.
    Investor: The story?
    No. 1: No, the magician. We've imprisoned him in a cell, and refuse to feed him unless he performs.
    Investor: Will Uriah Heep be there, too?
    No. 1: The English rock band Uriah Heep will be. They're in the cells next to Copperfield.
    No. 2: The streets will be full of loveable urchins, like in Oliver. You won't be able to walk without a cheeky Cockney lad asking, "All right, guvnor?"
    No. 1: Or escape the park without having your pocket picked. That's pure profit, gentlemen. (Murmurs of agreement in the crowd)
    No. 1: Children can see what Victorian England was like, working 16 hours a day as chimney sweeps as their parents re-enact Little Nell's death scene by gunning her down in the shooting gallery. Then they can dine on their choice of weevil-infested gruel in the Can I Have Some More Cafeteria or watch the Tiny Tim Dance Extravaganza.
    Investor: Don't you think a park based on a long-dead author may not appeal for a generation of children who have barely heard of him, let alone know how to read?
    No. 1 (shocked): What makes you think the children have anything to do with it? This isn't Harry Potter World. This park is aimed squarely at the people who really count.
    Investor: The baby boomers?
    No. 2: Exactly. The children will have no choice but to attend. Their parents will force them to go.
    Investor: Now that's truly Dickensian. Well done, gentlemen.

  • #2
    Re: Dickens Theme Park to Open

    No. 1 (shocked): What makes you think the children have anything to do with it? This isn't Harry Potter World. This park is aimed squarely at the people who really count.
    That is one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time.


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