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Heard/seen this from so many people, I don't know who to really credit it to-
BY THE STAGE MANAGER:
BY THE PRODUCER:
BY THE DIRECTOR:
BY THE DESIGNERS:
BY THE TECHNICAL DIRECTOR:
BY THE ACTOR:
BY THE STAGE CREW:
BY THE ELECTRICS CREW
BY THE CHOREOGRAPHER
BY THE ORCHESTRA
BY THE FRONT OF HOUSE MANAGER
BY THE STAGE MANAGER:
- It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal.
- Take your time getting back from break.
- We've been ready for hours.
- No, I called that perfectly the first time, let's move on.
- The headsets are working perfectly.
- The cue lights are working perfectly.
- The orchestra has no complaints.
- The whole company is standing by whenever you need them..
- That didn't take long.
- No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE PRODUCER:
- Of course there's enough money to go around.
- We have money left over.
- No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE DIRECTOR:
- Wow, the designers were right, weren't they?
- No, today is the tech rehearsal, we'll re-work that scene later.
- I think the scene changes are too fast.
- Of course I think that we'll be ready in time for opening.
- The crew? Why they're just wonderful!
- No we don't need to use glitter in this show as it takes the stage crew hours to sweep the stuff up. One small bubble machine should work.
- Thank You.
- My round, are all the crew here?
- No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE DESIGNERS:
- Of course all of my drawings were turned in on time.
- Yes, it is absolutely my fault that the set looks awful.
- You know, you might have a point there.
- The director knows best, obviously I wasn't giving him what he wanted.
- We may have too many gel colours in stock, I can't choose.
- The shop will have the costumes ready on time.
- No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE TECHNICAL DIRECTOR:
- This is the most complete and informative set of drawings I've ever seen.
- We built it right the first time.
- No problem, I'll deal with that right away.
- I love designers.
- No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE ACTOR:
- Don't.... Let's not talk about me.
- I really think my big scene should be cut.
- This costume is so comfortable.
- I love my shoes.
- No problem, I can do that myself.
- I have a fantastic agent.
- Let me stand down here with my back to the audience.
- No, leave that spot where it is - I'll walk into it.
- I'm sure someone told me there was a wall down here, I just forgot.
- Without the crew the show would never run - let's thank them.
- No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE STAGE CREW:
- There's room for that over here.
- We'll get in early tomorrow to do it.
- No, no, I'm sure that is our job.
- Anything I can do to help?
- All the tools are carefully locked away.
- Can we do that scene change again, please?
- It's a marvellous show.
- I don't need this many on the crew.
- I'm getting loads of sleep - everythings going really well.
- No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE ELECTRICS CREW
- I must fix the light in the publicity office.
- This equipment is far more complicated than we need.
- Of course I can operate sound from here.
- Be sure to keep that instrument away from the flying pieces.
- All the lanterns on the bar a foot to the right? No problem.
- All the equipment is working perfectly.
- No, please - take the last doughnut.
- That had nothing to do with the computer, it was my fault.
- Yes, it would be easier to do it on paper, wouldn't it.
- I have all the equipment I need, thanks.
BY THE CHOREOGRAPHER
- Plenty warm enough, thank you.
- Thank you.
- The lights are spot on.
- The costumes are perfect.
- The boom positions are fine.
- The wing space is ample, really.
BY THE ORCHESTRA
- Oh the pit's fine; actually we don't need all that space you could have built a smaller pit.
- No it's alright we can unload our equipment ourselves, we don't want to trouble the stage crew when they are busy.
- Could you turn these music stand lights down? They're a bit too bright.
- Of course we can play quieter.
- The foldback is fine.
BY THE FRONT OF HOUSE MANAGER
- Yes, we knew all about the size of the mixing desk. We even allowed a few spare seats in the stalls in case you had some extra equipment.
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